Much of what you say is so true.I think the way to look at this issue is to say white men provide all the traditional emotional ties to stable marriage life in all aspects of marriage except sex where the woman gets to choose the liberated sexual lifestyle of sex with whoever she chooses. As the loving husband (who is not really pathetic btw because he supports her) shows that love and is secure in the fact that there are all types of definitions of love besides sex and that is the sacrifice the white husband makes because he loves her so much that he is willing to do anything for her because of that love.
A white husband is also his wife's protector, not only in the physical sense but also mentally as well as making sure that in the vanilla world, all appears "normal".