Easygliderpro
Male
Did you know that you need hope? We all do.I NEED help from some experienced members on this site. I post here because it is the most active forum. You could say I am desperate. Before I say what my problem is, I have to explain a little about myself. If you would be SO kind, I would appreciate you take the time and read it. Thank you
My name is Taylor and I live in Connecticut. I'm 25 years old, white, 5'9." I got into the cuckold fantasy ever since I had my first (and only, ever) girl friend in high school (lets just call her Nicki). Nicki, being one of the hottest girls around, had lots of attention from the guys in our social circle. She didn't go to my high school, so I always had doubts she was being faithful to me. I loved her SO dearly. In fact, both of us were each others FIRST love. I was so in love, I made her a wooden jewelry box, wrote her poems, and always did sweet stuff for her.
We said that we loved each other on a daily basis and planned to be with each other FOREVER.
But, she always had this problem. Because of all the attention she got, she couldn't help but flirt back with other guys. When we were in groups, she would often flirt right in front of me (knowingly or not) and it always made me jealous. She would even share with me stories of other guys that flirted with her or guys she flirted with.
I told her time and time again that I was jealous about it, and didn't appreciate being told how much guys flirted with her. But, in reality, it weirdly turned me on. I couldn't help but masturbate about the thought of her cheating on me. At the time I was only 18 years old and I didn't even know about the cuckold fantasy. It actually made me mad that the thought turned me on.
One day me and her were talking, and she started talking to me about one of the players on her high school basketball team. Funny enough, I actually met this guy (lets call him James) at a random party I had gone to (even though I didn't ever party much). James is a black guy. He was probably about 6'2" and semi good looking I guess. But he was pretty popular, mainly because he was pretty highly ranked in the state and had a lot of clout from it. Anyways, we were talking and she brought up James. She was saying how they bumped into each other at school and had exchanged numbers, and she told me not to worry because she told him that she had a boyfriend. I honestly forgot about it after a few days.
Fast forward like two months later.
At the time, snapchat was a thing, but it really wasn't THAT big of a thing yet. People didn't use it like they do today. I think my senior year was like the very beginning of the social media age, when iPhone had just started to become super popular.
I remember I went over Nicki's to hang out after school, and we ended up doing the equivalent of Netflix and Chill (only we only watched movies, and didn't have sex). She eventually fell asleep on the couch and left her cell phone on the table. I always trusted her, but deep down I was always curious who she talked to and when. When I found the courage I picked up her cell phone and walked over to the bathroom to kinda hide. I started looking through her messages straight away. At first I didn't find anything crazy, other than a few guys texting her, and her sort of being brief with them. But then I found a message thread that said "J" (for James, even though that isn't his actual name, you get the point).
I opened the messages and started reading. As a scrolled up, I honestly couldn't believe what I saw. They had been sexting EVER since she met him 2 months prior. Legit the dirtiest messages back and forth. Stuff she would never say to me, and stuff I didn't even know she was capable of saying. She was never really a freak with me.
And, of course, there was one saved nude at the top of the message thread, from him. His cock. Legit I had never seen anything like it before (only in porn, but even then, I had never really watched much BBC porn). He claimed in the text that it was 10 and a half inches. Which honestly blew me away. What hurt the most, and made me sick to my stomach, was that she literally messaged him back and said (and I'll never forget, because it is etched in my memory forever) "You're legit TWICE the size of my boyfriend" and then "He's only 5 inches and it doesn't get me off, I have to fake enjoying it most the time"
I felt so betrayed, that I almost threw up.
I confronted her about it a few days later and it legit ended our relationship. I was heartbroken, and she was too honestly. We loved each other so much. I guess I was never enough for her though.
I honestly don't know what ended up happening between them two, because we all graduated and I legit just became a loner. I assume they probably hooked up a few times after high school. I wish I knew. I would legit PAY to know.
So that's the DEEP rooted cuckold story I have. It's 100% legit, even though I have read a ton of fake ass, perfectly written, ******* on this site.
Ever since this, I became addicted to porn. It started off as me just searching for 'hot girl's', then 'big cocks,' then 'cheating.' And when 2014 or 2015 happened (I can't remember) and Blacked became super popular, I legit became OBSESSED with big black cock. To the point I bought a 10" dildo, and masturbate almost every day to interracial porn while using it. I legit can not watch vanilla sex (sex between a white girl and a white man) anymore. I can no longer get hard to it.
OK. I hope I still have you with me. I know that was a lot to digest.
Here is the major problem I have.
I have not had a girlfriend ever since Nicki. I am still the same person, but deep rooted cuckold insecurities make me shy away from getting another girlfriend. This is because I don't really desire to have sexual intercourse with a girl anymore. I only want to please her in other ways. For this to work I NEED a cuckolding relationship. A girl who is into this kink and wants to love me, dom me, and cuckold me at the same time.
The problem I have, is that I am totally LOST in finding one. Most girls do not share the same kink, or at least would never tell you on the first date. So I am stuck, mindlessly masturbating every day to cuckold interracial porn.
I want to take the next step. I want to be in a relationship with a girl. It doesn't even have to be love, at first. I just want a girl who is into the same thing as me, and it gets us BOTH off to take part in this incredible fantasy. I would even settle for just watching a random white girl and black man have sex at this point.
Where do I look? What do I do? Who do I speak to?
Your thoughts, and opinions, would be MUCH appreciated. Like I said, I am somewhat desperate. I hope you will trust I am a real person even though I don't have a gold account or whatever.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life just imagining this fantasy and watching porn. I want it to be real.
Again, thanks.
-Taylor
Swiss theologian M.L. Bruner said, “What oxygen is to the lungs, such is hope to the meaning of human life.” Just as our physical bodies would die without oxygen, our spirit will ******* without hope!
So often we are defeated by the things we say to ourselves. Our anxious thoughts, our sinful thoughts, thoughts that do not honor God, or thoughts that impact us negatively.
You know Satan’s lies are toxic and poisonous, and can influence us physically, emotionally, relationally in our homes, our families, socially in our lives, in our careers. So often we are thinking so negatively!
What do you need hope for today? Physical pain? Disease? Addiction? Depression? Bad habits? A broken heart? Whatever your need, God’s plan is to give you a future and a hope.
Jesus Christ was sent to conquer pain and death, and to give hope. He is your Redeemer… your hope. But just like the air you breathe, hope is an unseen promise.