The topic of taboo kinks and race play in particular, is a difficult conversation to have even in the most progressive of spaces. It evokes such passionate feelings within people that sometimes, that same passion clouds truth and rational judgement.
Shame, stigma, and societal constructs have built inherent biases against anything that isn't missionary position sex for the purpose of procreation.
To me, it is a healthy part of my lifestyle. One that I practice with the utmost consideration for myself and my partners. Having been an active member in this community for so long, coupled with my experience coaching and helping others embrace and enjoy this lifestyle, I have a unique perspective on this kink.
So many men and women have come to me saying the same thing, "Why do I have
so much guilt and
so much shame attached to my feelings about this kink?" Well, honestly, some of you rightfully should be feeling that way. Harsh, I know, but it's not because of the enjoyment of the kink itself, but because of the inherited baggage attached to it. That baggage can control at your sex life (at best) or your entire way of life (at worst).
To understand the relationship someone has to a taboo kink, you must first understand the person.
This is where many people unfortunately fall short. Now, I'm certainly not here to wag my finger or talk-down at you just because you have some sexual hang-ups that haven't been fully processed yet. (Honestly I estimate this to be WELL OVER over half of the population, so consider yourself normal if this is you, but that's a conversation for another day). I do believe, however, that anyone engaging in kink as a coping mechanism should do some serious self evaluation and possibly seek professional help. No good can come of it, and it will only lead you to create more problematic patterns of self destructive behavior.
It is an enormous conversation that a lot of people need to have with themselves. If there is anything fundamentally stunting your journey towards your sexual truth, it needs to be addressed.
Now, if you're someone who is capable of enjoying your sex life without pangs of shame and guilt from the beginning, you should be able to simply just indulge in this kink without concern - as long as you're using the best standards and practices of kink. Let me explain
Again, to understand the kink, we must understand the person behind the pleasure.
I have been very fortunate in my life to have never been the recipient of sexual trauma. I have had a very healthy relationship with human sexuality my entire life. It is a huge reason why I am such an advocate for playing with the taboo! I know that if
I can grow up in a more-or-less typical household that there must be others who have the same wild cravings and desires as me.
For example, my kinks have been weird and dark my entire life. From extreme BDSM, to bloody and gory scenes. It's more than most can even stomach to think about, honestly. But to me, I can appreciate an erotic aspect of it. Hell, some of my turn-ons boil down to themes as simple as "contrast is hot" and "wet things turn me on."
It's impossible to pinpoint how certain things become eroticized in someone's mind. Some psychologists hazard guesses that just about anything, from a favored teacher's nail polish to a scene in an R-rated movie you accidentally caught a part of before you were of age, could've landed and implanted its way into the back of your sex brain, only to be ignited during puberty as the thing that makes your dick hard or your cunt swell. Point is: there's no rhyme or reason to it. What turns you on, turns you on. It's WAY easier to live your life embracing that hard wiring than attempting to run away from it. This understanding should strengthen the "Why am I like this?" gut reaction that is holding you back from one of the most natural urges on earth.
Side Note: I feel morally obliged to mention the whole age play kink. I use my wording very adamantly when I say my belief; "Anything that happens between consenting ADULTS should be their business." The bolded word is incredibly important. If you are someone who is struggling with these specific urges PLEASE seek therapy. Resources exist nationwide for dealing with this and you can go on to live a fulfilling life.
When I indulge in this "taboo" kink it is always with consenting adults who find the same things just as erotic as I do. Every party is treated as if they have the same level of care and respect and we go from there.
If I were to do my best to summarize the overarching umbrella that encompasses most (if not all) of my deepest, most thrilling kinks, it would boil down to two words: power dynamics. The dichotomy of being in total control to being completely powerless is so mouthwatering to me I could spend hours getting lost in the eroticism of the details of every scene.
So, when I first stumbled upon this kink online it clicked for me, instantly. The concept of "the black man" who has been oppressed by "the white man" rising up to take whatever they want, meanwhile turning non-black women into subservient whores for their naturally more massive cocks? Sploosh. Yes please.
Also, call me crazy, but I LOVE a little politics in the bedroom.
"But it's so taboo, and just plain wrong!" Well, so is everything "the white man" has perpetrated against "the black man" for centuries. No, that is not a justification or a statement in defense of how "racism" makes my pussy wet. It is an example of a healthy relationship between the realities of our society and our history, and how I chose to express my feelings about them. I just so happen to be most expressive and emboldened when I am in touch with my sexuality.
I regularly go so far as to help educate non-black men about the realities of this fetish while they're paying for my time. Require readings and assigning tasks that are relevant to black history are part of my responsibility as a Queen of Spades.
This power dynamic has everything I find erotic. I also find men with darker skin more attractive. And if you consider that statement to be prejudiced then try defending the question "are you more of a tits or an ass man?" Read my piece titled "Objectification" if you're still having trouble wrapping your head around it all.
One last thing about sexual partner preference - my opinion doesn't fucking matter. I married for love. If I want to be as superficial as I want to be when it comes to the people I sleep with, then so be it.
I have my own personal lines when it comes to this kink and many other taboo kinks. For example, I'll never use the n-word. Not in my personal life, not in the bedroom, and not even in writing. However, something else that many consider taboo, extreme violence, I'll write about. But I do not welcome into my life or bedroom. Everyone has their own boundaries and it is well within any individual's chosen rights to play out any kink of theirs however they so chose. As always - as long as it's between CONSENTING ADULTS, it is none of my business, and shouldn't be yours either.
So when people ask me about this "troubling subject" I can only be ****** to ask them: “Well, why is it troubling to you?” There is obviously, a lot of work to be done when it comes to how out society embraces sexuality. Who knows... it very likely could get worse before it gets better.
Do your part. Start with yourself. Learn how to shed the shame and enjoy your body. Then, learn how to care less about what is going on in other people's bedrooms. Finally, take pride in the human condition. We're all wild aliens on this groovy space rock and we all get turned on by nonsensical, sometimes gross, sometimes hilarious things. Grow the fuck up and embrace it.
Also, why the fuck is sodomy still illegal in this country? What the god-fearing fuck are those places even doing?
