Our Bull wants to public. Thoughts?

[extrafun]

Yes, what I have said is real and sincere. Just because I took a back seat to our relationship doesn't mean I am a pussy. This type of relationship works for us but only in private so far. Yes, other men fuck my wife but nobody else knows which makes it easier for us I think. I am NOT a total submissive/slave to him. I have expressed my opinions before. Granted he does have the last word but I consider him somewhat of a friend and I know he is not looking to hurt me. He will reason. I think he wants to move this in the open not fully understand the consequences for us if he does.

WHAT?
"Just because I took a back seat to our relationship doesn't mean I am a pussy"
IT SURE THE HELL DOES!!!
"I am NOT a total submissive/slave to him. I have expressed my opinions before. Granted he does have the last word"
YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE. ANOTHER MAN IS ALLOWED TO FUCK YOUR WIFE BUT YOU CANT? YOUR NOT SUBMISSIVE? BECAUSE YOU EXPRESS YOUR OPINION ON HOW ANOTHER MAN TREATS YOUR WIFE , BUT THE OTHER MAN HAS THE FINAL SAY????
You are a total Beta pussy sub/slave and could never be anywhere near a man or a husband. You are by far a sub and I'm sure he spends your money while he sleeps in the master bedroom of your house with your wife, that you are not allowed to fuck. WOW!!!! And you are not a pussy???? You most definitely are.

 

[Thirsty123]

Is going public something that can cause employment issues like working for a private school or other bs? If no does it come down to you being embarrassed that it’s now known in public?

Work-wise there would be no issue. It would do not any harm. it would be strictly the embarrassment of the situation. Once it goes public, friends and family would know, and letting that cat out of the bag is something you can never put back in. No one inside our circle knows anything. Not sure if ALL would agree either, might lose some friends over this. It is something I have to think more on.

 

[uslover609]

Work-wise there would be no issue. It would do not any harm. it would be strictly the embarrassment of the situation. Once it goes public, friends and family would know, and letting that cat out of the bag is something you can never put back in. No one inside our circle knows anything. Not sure if ALL would agree either, might lose some friends over this. It is something I have to think more on.

well if you lose them then you lose them. fake friends always ditch people first. are you and her happy with stuff now?

 

[HappySeaTurtle]

Work-wise there would be no issue. It would do not any harm. it would be strictly the embarrassment of the situation. Once it goes public, friends and family would know, and letting that cat out of the bag is something you can never put back in. No one inside our circle knows anything. Not sure if ALL would agree either, might lose some friends over this. It is something I have to think more on.

Whatever you you chose, both of you stand to lose a LOT of respect from your friends. Monogamy is still the social norm and Poly dynamics confuse people. They may make assumptions your wife is in the process of moving on from you and words may not assuage them. You will be seen as a wallet for her. However true that may be, your friends will think you are a doormat to woman that doesn't love you. Even if you know she does. Your male friends will think much less of her and her female friends with either pity you or think less of you too, and not in erotic ways. Your social spheres will see your relationship as one with an asterisk waiting to implode leaving you single and the two of them together. And it seems like your wife would like to give a genuine relationship with him a try and knows if she puts you on a shelf, you will be there when this runs it's course.

 

[Thirsty123]

WHAT?
"Just because I took a back seat to our relationship doesn't mean I am a pussy"
IT SURE THE HELL DOES!!!
"I am NOT a total submissive/slave to him. I have expressed my opinions before. Granted he does have the last word"
YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE. ANOTHER MAN IS ALLOWED TO FUCK YOUR WIFE BUT YOU CANT? YOUR NOT SUBMISSIVE? BECAUSE YOU EXPRESS YOUR OPINION ON HOW ANOTHER MAN TREATS YOUR WIFE , BUT THE OTHER MAN HAS THE FINAL SAY????
You are a total Beta pussy sub/slave and could never be anywhere near a man or a husband. You are by far a sub and I'm sure he spends your money while he sleeps in the master bedroom of your house with your wife, that you are not allowed to fuck. WOW!!!! And you are not a pussy???? You most definitely are.

I understand what you are saying and on the surface, it might look that way. I disagree that I am NOT a husband. I love my wife. This is a lifestyle choice we have made together. Granted it is NOT for everyone but for us, it has been working.

Yes, Another man fucks my wife and has been for 2 years now. Yes, I have given up my master bedroom to him, only when he spends the night. To further make your point, I am pussy free because I do not have vaginal sex with her. Maybe I am submissive to a point but NOT how you are saying it, I don't think.

This is a lifestyle choice, not role-playing. As with everything else, things evolve as they grow as our relationship has. I was not always pussy free and I have not always given up my bedroom. It just happened as time has gone by. Is it wrong???

 

[Thirsty123]

well if you lose them then you lose them. fake friends always ditch people first. are you and her happy with stuff now?

Yes we are both happy with the way things are going. I just think he wants to move this forward to uncharted territory. More I am thinking is that he is feeling like we are hiding him. Which we are I guess if the truth is known. It is just a huge step to take! Not sure if I am ready, have mixed feelings

 

[uslover609]

whats she say?

 

[Thirsty123]

Whatever you you chose, both of you stand to lose a LOT of respect from your friends. Monogamy is still the social norm and Poly dynamics confuse people. They may make assumptions your wife is in the process of moving on from you and words may not assuage them. You will be seen as a wallet for her. However true that may be, your friends will think you are a doormat to woman that doesn't love you. Even if you know she does. Your male friends will think much less of her and her female friends with either pity you or think less of you too, and not in erotic ways. Your social spheres will see your relationship as one with an asterisk waiting to implode leaving you single and the two of them together. And it seems like your wife would like to give a genuine relationship with him a try and knows if she puts you on a shelf, you will be there when this runs it's course.

This is probably one of the best thought-provoking replies, thank you! You are spot on with everything you have said. I fear that if we go public things will certainly change and not for the better, He is not looking to steal my wife. She is still my wife, I still have a relationship with her as a husband, we just don't have sex together but we find other ways to be intimate. I'm sure my guy friends will give me ******* about not having sex with her, probably can fathom not having sex with a woman over 2 years but it is something I have accepted as she has and as her boyfriend has. hmmm...lots of thinking needs to continue for sure

 

[Thirsty123]

whats she say?

She is not certain either. This just came up recently and we are digesting it. My wife thinks about what our white friends and family will say about her having sex with a black man. There are still ignorant people out there

 

[TiffandBryan]

Yes, what I have said is real and sincere. Just because I took a back seat to our relationship doesn't mean I am a pussy. This type of relationship works for us but only in private so far. Yes, other men fuck my wife but nobody else knows which makes it easier for us I think. I am NOT a total submissive/slave to him. I have expressed my opinions before. Granted he does have the last word but I consider him somewhat of a friend and I know he is not looking to hurt me. He will reason. I think he wants to move this in the open not fully understand the consequences for us if he does.

If what you write is true, you are not actually married anymore. Your a homeless ex sleeping in her spare bedroom and paying her bills. You took your fantasy so far youre not even a part of it anymore.. Too far.

Yes, what I have said is real and sincere. Just because I took a back seat to our relationship doesn't mean I am a pussy. This type of relationship works for us but only in private so far. Yes, other men fuck my wife but nobody else knows which makes it easier for us I think. I am NOT a total submissive/slave to him. I have expressed my opinions before. Granted he does have the last word but I consider him somewhat of a friend and I know he is not looking to hurt me. He will reason. I think he wants to move this in the open not fully understand the consequences for us if he does.

 

[Thirsty123]

If what you write is true, you are not actually married anymore. Your a homeless ex sleeping in her spare bedroom and paying her bills. You took your fantasy so far youre not even a part of it anymore.. Too far.

I understand why you may think that but I have to disagree. I sleep in my bedroom 99% of the time with my wife at my side. We cuddle and go to sleep. I gave up a PART of my wife and my marriage to another man, not the whole thing though. It was a fantasy at first and feelings developed and things went places where they were never intended to go I guess. I can always call it quits and get my manhood back, but I am not ready to do so. Some guys like myself need this, don't know why cant control it.

 

[uslover609]

I understand why you may think that but I have to disagree. I sleep in my bedroom 99% of the time with my wife at my side. We cuddle and go to sleep. I gave up a PART of my wife and my marriage to another man, not the whole thing though. It was a fantasy at first and feelings developed and things went places where they were never intended to go I guess. I can always call it quits and get my manhood back, but I am not ready to do so. Some guys like myself need this, don't know why cant control it.

will she stop if you want it to stop? you say feelings developed. her and him?

 

[Thirsty123]

My suggestion is to keep it private. It sounds like you have a good thing going now that works for you and your wife. Going public could have unintended consequences. Why take that risk?

that is the way I am leaning towards. It was not my idea to bring it public, it was his because he feels like we are hiding him

 

[HappySeaTurtle]

She is not certain either. This just came up recently and we are digesting it. My wife thinks about what our white friends and family will say about her having sex with a black man. There are still ignorant people out there

Coming from someone who has been outted, you have no idea just how much judgement is ahead. Especially for her. There are steep implications and judgements toward white women who sleep with black men. And moreso for married white women who do so. It isn't right but is the nature of things. They don't see the relationship chemistry. They just see a white girl chasing black dick. You will be seen as weak but she will be seen almost as tainted. Her family will think less of her too because this breaks a lot of monogamous norms they expect her to uphold, all of this is magnified if you live in the right (wrong?) part of the country steeped in religious tradition. I would say don't just because you have no way to measure just how far the ripples go. Trust me, they go further than you will plan for.

 

[Thirsty123]

will she stop if you want it to stop? you say feelings developed. her and him?

we have always agreed that either one of us can put a hard stop to it if it went too far. Kind of cut-off switch of sorts. I would hope she would call it quits if we agreed otherwise we would have issues to deal with.

 

[uslover609]

when was the last time you and her talked about the cut off switch?

 

[Thirsty123]

when was the last time you and her talked about the cut off switch?

only at the beginning when we started this

 

[uslover609]

only at the beginning when we started this

when was this 2 years ago?

 

[TiffandBryan]

I don't have time for a psych analysis.
But what I said is true.
You may sleep in the bedroom and cuddle with her between their interludes but if she excludes you from the bedroom when he is there she has made her choice. Youre just a sugar daddy with no benefits.

The only way what I am saying could be wrong is if you have her convinced that every that is transpiring is what you truly want and she is just going along to make you happy.

Either way you are fucked unless you grow a pair of balls and put an end to this... Now! Its gone way too far and another man has control of you, your wife, your home, and now your public life

 

[Thirsty123]

Coming from someone who has been outted, you have no idea just how much judgement is ahead. Especially for her. There are steep implications and judgements toward white women who sleep with black men. And moreso for married white women who do so. It isn't right but is the nature of things. They don't see the relationship chemistry. They just see a white girl chasing black dick. You will be seen as weak but she will be seen almost as tainted. Her family will think less of her too because this breaks a lot of monogamous norms they expect her to uphold, all of this is magnified if you live in the right (wrong?) part of the country steeped in religious tradition. I would say don't just because you have no way to measure just how far the ripples go. Trust me, they go further than you will plan for.

Absolutely agree with you. I think we will lose some friends and maybe some family members as well because people are just ignorant. I am thinking to talk to him keep this private for a while longer and we can revisit the issue at a later date.