Mortified about GF interracial fantasies

C

ConfusedBF

Male
I've been with the love of my life for 4 years. She opened up about her interracial porn taste a few months ago, and I indulged in it with her to make her happy. It did spice up our sex life, made her more wild and needy, which made me happy as well. Two days ago she announced me she'd like to "make the jump" and that it would be easy for her to bring a black man home to try. What the hell.

I'm ok with porn fantasies, but that hit me in the face and gave me such a feeling of inadequacy, like I couldn't recognize her, an attack upon my manhood. I'm scared of losing her. And I would be incredibly intimidated if there was another man coming into my home to bed my wife. Now I see there's an entire lifestyle around this and it might not even be just a one time thing.

I've always been a pleaser with her, making sure she had all she needs. I could probably let her do it just this once to experience it. But what is there to gain for me in this? What are you guys getting off of this? I'm mortified at the thought of someone being better than me with her, see her leave with him... Or just being relegated to the backseat. Is this a price to pay to stay with her? Could she just indulge into her porn fantasy and move on? It's so overwhelming, to think of some guy laughing at me while he fuck my wife in my bed. How do you deal with this?
 
We havent done it in real life, but you need to Express your concerns to her. If you're not on board 100 percent, then it could be disastrous if you let her. Resentment could build and cause turbulence in the relationship, even if it was a 1 time thing.

On the other hand, you've gotta be confident in yourself. Maybe she isnt looking for a replacement, but just wants to check it off the bucket list. Maybe, sex between yall will be even hotter after you see her with another man, if you're competitive, etc. Many men would ******* to be in your shoes, but also many that understand your dilemma as well. Only you can decide what's best for your relationship.

Bottom line... yall need to talk.
 
ConfusedBF said:
I've been with the love of my life for 4 years. She opened up about her interracial porn taste a few months ago, and I indulged in it with her to make her happy. It did spice up our sex life, made her more wild and needy, which made me happy as well. Two days ago she announced me she'd like to "make the jump" and that it would be easy for her to bring a black man home to try. What the hell.

I'm ok with porn fantasies, but that hit me in the face and gave me such a feeling of inadequacy, like I couldn't recognize her, an attack upon my manhood. I'm scared of losing her. And I would be incredibly intimidated if there was another man coming into my home to bed my wife. Now I see there's an entire lifestyle around this and it might not even be just a one time thing.

I've always been a pleaser with her, making sure she had all she needs. I could probably let her do it just this once to experience it. But what is there to gain for me in this? What are you guys getting off of this? I'm mortified at the thought of someone being better than me with her, see her leave with him... Or just being relegated to the backseat. Is this a price to pay to stay with her? Could she just indulge into her porn fantasy and move on? It's so overwhelming, to think of some guy laughing at me while he fuck my wife in my bed. How do you deal with this?
Click to expand...
If your rel can break by the first black cock bigger than yours do you think it's worth keeping? Most women who are turned on by bbc do also want to keep a cuck at her side. If you are the gatekeeper and check on the bulls before they come home to fuck her then you can pick the right guys who won't steel her from you.
 
ConfusedBF said:
I've been with the love of my life for 4 years. She opened up about her interracial porn taste a few months ago, and I indulged in it with her to make her happy. It did spice up our sex life, made her more wild and needy, which made me happy as well. Two days ago she announced me she'd like to "make the jump" and that it would be easy for her to bring a black man home to try. What the hell.

I'm ok with porn fantasies, but that hit me in the face and gave me such a feeling of inadequacy, like I couldn't recognize her, an attack upon my manhood. I'm scared of losing her. And I would be incredibly intimidated if there was another man coming into my home to bed my wife. Now I see there's an entire lifestyle around this and it might not even be just a one time thing.

I've always been a pleaser with her, making sure she had all she needs. I could probably let her do it just this once to experience it. But what is there to gain for me in this? What are you guys getting off of this? I'm mortified at the thought of someone being better than me with her, see her leave with him... Or just being relegated to the backseat. Is this a price to pay to stay with her? Could she just indulge into her porn fantasy and move on? It's so overwhelming, to think of some guy laughing at me while he fuck my wife in my bed. How do you deal with this?
Click to expand...


A couple of thoughts from someone with more relationship experience than cuckold experience.

First, this isn't necessarily about being inadequate unless you and she decide it is. I really like a good vanilla ice cream. Doesn't mean I don't also like chocolate or other flavors too. Think of it as a supplement, not a replacement.

Second, this doesn't have to come with the humiliation part. "Laughing at me." There are bulls out there who will come and provide a good time without the head games. It's a matter of finding one with the right fit.

Third, could she be ok with this as a threesome? That keeps you on even footing where you don't need to feel inadequate.

Fourth, consider the stag/vixen idea. If she gets a threesome with some black guy, presumably you get an adventure of your own choosing. Sauce for gooses and ganders, after all.

I think there's a way forward to explore what works for you both. Best of luck.
 
ConfusedBF said:
I've been with the love of my life for 4 years. She opened up about her interracial porn taste a few months ago, and I indulged in it with her to make her happy. It did spice up our sex life, made her more wild and needy, which made me happy as well. Two days ago she announced me she'd like to "make the jump" and that it would be easy for her to bring a black man home to try. What the hell.

I'm ok with porn fantasies, but that hit me in the face and gave me such a feeling of inadequacy, like I couldn't recognize her, an attack upon my manhood. I'm scared of losing her. And I would be incredibly intimidated if there was another man coming into my home to bed my wife. Now I see there's an entire lifestyle around this and it might not even be just a one time thing.

I've always been a pleaser with her, making sure she had all she needs. I could probably let her do it just this once to experience it. But what is there to gain for me in this? What are you guys getting off of this? I'm mortified at the thought of someone being better than me with her, see her leave with him... Or just being relegated to the backseat. Is this a price to pay to stay with her? Could she just indulge into her porn fantasy and move on? It's so overwhelming, to think of some guy laughing at me while he fuck my wife in my bed. How do you deal with this?
Click to expand...
.........I don't know about other cuckold arrangements, but in my case, all three of us became friends, yeah me and the wife show our affection,kisses, passinate fucks and lust for each other, but we.....lol,,,I was not trying to take the wives. I got my own life to live.
 
Thanks guys. It did calm some apprehension I had.

I managed to approach the subject calmly with her. She assured me that she wouldn't want to demean me and would make sure I feel respected in this. She'd like me in the house for security, but I wouldn't have to watch... And she's ready to leave me as much time that I need to process this. It got a bit emotional and we went into details about her needs. How she loves me but feel the need to be in the hand of an authority figure, to feel vulnerable. God I love her. It's still scary and it feels like life is about to take a big turn, but I realize I might have overreacted a bit there...
 
If you're not comfortable with her gpfucking around, make it known to her before she does it in front of you. Keep in mind it might not keep her from cheating on you, and she might already be seeing someone behind your back. If shes that eager and has someone in mind already, shes probably cheated on you already. Dump her and move on if you want.
 
U have already started off well. Needs were expressed and Communication was established. DON'T stop communicating! This can be an amazing experience for you All. You can't be all things and everything to her nor can she be to you. Life is one big box of experiences and handled right, what a freaking awesome ride it can be!! We wish you guys the best!!!
 
ConfusedBF said:
Thanks guys. It did calm some apprehension I had.

I managed to approach the subject calmly with her. She assured me that she wouldn't want to demean me and would make sure I feel respected in this. She'd like me in the house for security, but I wouldn't have to watch... And she's ready to leave me as much time that I need to process this. It got a bit emotional and we went into details about her needs. How she loves me but feel the need to be in the hand of an authority figure, to feel vulnerable. God I love her. It's still scary and it feels like life is about to take a big turn, but I realize I might have overreacted a bit there...
Click to expand...

Well I guess if you don't like the idea and don't want her to do it you'll have to say it and be very clear about it.
She'll maybe respect your decision and just won't do it. Or she'll do it anyway and will will have to accept it or leave her.

Or you could agree with it and let her do her thing. I can't help you about what is there for you or how you will feel.
But at least know this : It won't be a one time thing.

So, there it is. Maybe she won't do it if you tell her not to. Or you'll have to accept it or leave her.
 
ConfusedBF said:
I've been with the love of my life for 4 years. She opened up about her interracial porn taste a few months ago, and I indulged in it with her to make her happy. It did spice up our sex life, made her more wild and needy, which made me happy as well. Two days ago she announced me she'd like to "make the jump" and that it would be easy for her to bring a black man home to try. What the hell.

I'm ok with porn fantasies, but that hit me in the face and gave me such a feeling of inadequacy, like I couldn't recognize her, an attack upon my manhood. I'm scared of losing her. And I would be incredibly intimidated if there was another man coming into my home to bed my wife. Now I see there's an entire lifestyle around this and it might not even be just a one time thing.

I've always been a pleaser with her, making sure she had all she needs. I could probably let her do it just this once to experience it. But what is there to gain for me in this? What are you guys getting off of this? I'm mortified at the thought of someone being better than me with her, see her leave with him... Or just being relegated to the backseat. Is this a price to pay to stay with her? Could she just indulge into her porn fantasy and move on? It's so overwhelming, to think of some guy laughing at me while he fuck my wife in my bed. How do you deal with this?
Click to expand...
Be honest with her about how you feel!
 
I love her more than anything in the world and want her to be happy. I don't think this fixation for older black men will go away on its own just because I deny her. Somehow it makes me feel selfish to get the impulse to contain this.
It does turn me on to a certain extend, but I would have never believed it would one day pass that line and be real. I still have a lot of apprehension, knowing that once its done I won't be able to go back in time. That weird feeling to be cornered. I'm a bit scared to regret doing it, but I don't want her to regret going on with her life without being able to experience it to the fullest... I have a feeling I will have a lot of discussions with her in the coming weeks.
 
" Could she just indulge into her porn fantasy and move on?"

Possibly. But you're sharing this dilemma in public and seeking advice, which says that you don't know what you want to do, which says you're kinda turned on by it.

Just stall her for the time being, let her enjoy her IR porn and share it together. Let the fantasy percolate. Enjoy the tension and suspense. Let the images of your wife in the thrall of forbidden Black passion simmer inside your head. Let her explain to you what she imagines doing. Give this some time, then later maybe see if you'd both like to take things to the next level . . .
 
ConfusedBF said:
I love her more than anything in the world and want her to be happy. I don't think this fixation for older black men will go away on its own just because I deny her. Somehow it makes me feel selfish to get the impulse to contain this.
It does turn me on to a certain extend, but I would have never believed it would one day pass that line and be real. I still have a lot of apprehension, knowing that once its done I won't be able to go back in time. That weird feeling to be cornered. I'm a bit scared to regret doing it, but I don't want her to regret going on with her life without being able to experience it to the fullest... I have a feeling I will have a lot of discussions with her in the coming weeks.
Click to expand...

And you might ask how she feels about you dating another woman. You can say that would only be fair if she would be allowed to see another man.
Just see her reaction when you ask this.
 
ConfusedBF said:
I've been with the love of my life for 4 years. She opened up about her interracial porn taste a few months ago, and I indulged in it with her to make her happy. It did spice up our sex life, made her more wild and needy, which made me happy as well. Two days ago she announced me she'd like to "make the jump" and that it would be easy for her to bring a black man home to try. What the hell.

I'm ok with porn fantasies, but that hit me in the face and gave me such a feeling of inadequacy like I couldn't recognize her, an attack upon my manhood. I'm scared of losing her. And I would be incredibly intimidated if there was another man coming into my home to bed my wife. Now I see there's an entire lifestyle around this and it might not even be just a one-time thing.

I've always been a pleaser with her, making sure she had all she needs. I could probably let her do it just this once to experience it. But what is there to gain for me in this? What are you guys getting off of this? I'm mortified at the thought of someone being better than me with her, see her leave with him... Or just being relegated to the backseat. Is this a price to pay to stay with her? Could she just indulge into her porn fantasy and move on? It's so overwhelming, to think of some guy laughing at me while he fuck my wife in my bed. How do you deal with this?
Click to expand...

If that story is true (which I honestly believe it isn't), I'd say the simple fact of you being here is that deep inside you want what your girlfriend wants. You're just afraid of not being the one controlling how things are running right now. She is taking initiatives because the heat inside her is overwhelming and you can't quench that. Wouldn't one way to go about this be to just talk with her about how to make that first time happen with safety, which involves knowing the guy first after chatting with him, then bar or restaurant then her being taken, not at your home, but in a hotel (not a strange one)?
 
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ConfusedBF said:
Thanks guys. It did calm some apprehension I had.

I managed to approach the subject calmly with her. She assured me that she wouldn't want to demean me and would make sure I feel respected in this. She'd like me in the house for security, but I wouldn't have to watch... And she's ready to leave me as much time that I need to process this. It got a bit emotional and we went into details about her needs. How she loves me but feel the need to be in the hand of an authority figure, to feel vulnerable. God I love her. It's still scary and it feels like life is about to take a big turn, but I realize I might have overreacted a bit there...
Click to expand...
It's an emotional roller coaster for sure. It sounds like you're handling it the right way. Not shaming her, talking to her rationally and honestly about your feelings and concerns, both of you affirming your commitment to the relationship and care for each other's wellbeing, those are going to be your security if you decide to dive into these murky waters together. My wife isn't going anywhere. We have a family, we manage our household and finances as a team, we make date nights a priority, and we have a fun sex life. We're very committed to each other and we affirm that daily.

But... She likes being fucked by strong, intelligent, creative, dominant, hung, handsome black men. I'm not at all a substitute for the what she's after when she indulges in this, but her bulls aren't at all a substitute for what she has with me. I don't know if you'll necessarily come to find being cucked a turn-on, it's not for everyone. For me, seeing my wife behaving with total abandon and having orgasms one on top of another, while taking it like a seasoned porn star for hours at a time, is extremely erotic. But if you choose not to be a witness or active participant, you can still enjoy the benefits of having a happy wife who's grateful that her relationship with her understanding and supportive partner allows for her sexual growth and fulfillment.

Seeing a side of my committed wife that I don't bring out myself is admittedly a double-edged sword. As hot as it is to see my otherwise proper wife behaving like a wanton slut, there have absolutely been moments when it's hard to come to terms with the fact that there are things she happily does with other men but doesn't want to do for me, and there are definitely things she wants that I can't do for her. In those situations, our lifeline has been to take the time to reconnect, and have conversations like the one you described, where we talk about our feelings and how to navigate all this. I truly believe that we can get through anything together if we continue to prioritize each other and our relationship.

Best of luck to you and please keep us posted!
 
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