Dueling HotWife/Stag Chronicles (Stag Version)

[Swinksters]

So, I started a thread last week called "A Stag Contributing Back To The Forum,” where I received some wonderful feedback that I was really grateful for.
There has been a giant awakening between my wife and I during this past week and she wants to post her own version of what we are beginning simultaneous to my posts. So she suggested we both start a new thread (hers is in the HotWife Forum) with a similar title so people might enjoy the “he said/she said” version of whatever it is that awaits both of us and what's about to happen.

So here we go!

It seems that I stumbled upon something neither one of us was completely aware of. Before I got married two years ago, I had been an enthusiastic member of this site for at least a decade prior. I was embarrassed about this and never shared it with anybody else. Having read hundreds of posts in different threads on the site gave me a pretty good understanding of the dynamics of this lifestyle. The parameters, the dynamics, the turn on, the excitement, the jealousy, and the experience for both the husband and the wife, as well as the lovers/Bulls. I not only understood it all, but I felt it deeply as well.

I incorrectly assumed that my wife understood all of this as well during the past year or so that she has been joining me as a participant in this site. I was wrong. She did not understand fully some of the important elementals. She was mostly doing this as a service to me because she knew it excited me and she gets off on my excitement and joy.

I borrowed some of the content of other’s posts to incorporate into my dirty talk. In all fairness, I told her some of what I was describing was what I read from others. For the first time she became aware of the inverse power differential that is part of this kink. I did my best to narrate the excitement of a woman who discovers her own lust and deep desires that become unleashed by participating in this lifestyle. I described the selfishness and empowerment a HotWife enjoys by being able to pick who she has sex with, when she has sex, how she has sex, how often she has sex, and with how many people she has sex with. I described the delicious mixture of fear/jealous/excitement that the cuckolds/stags experience. I described a common theme when the moment comes when the wife is no longer doing this for her husband, but is doing it for herself.

Holy cow, that just became a major epoch for her. Since we were having sex while I was in the flow with my dirty talk about all of this, I had the indescribable thrill of being inside of her as her body organically reacted to this new paradigm. What a place to be. What a thing to feel. It was mind blowing for both of us. I literally got to see, feel, smell, and taste her awakening. This might have been more mind blowing than anything I have ever read on here in the hundreds of posts that I enjoyed. Something fundamentally shifted and awoken in her. It was exciting, joyous, unbelievably stimulating, and tangibly frightening all at the same time for me.

She ended up pointing out something to me I honestly did not fully put together on my own even though I thought I fully understood this lifestyle. We both participate on occasion in the kink community where I am the Dom and she is the submissive. I honestly did not know I had that in me at first only did it because this excited her. However, it awakened something in me I honestly didn't know was a part of my human sexuality. It was actually very healing for me.

She pointed out that this was the same phenomenon of power exchange. Except in this lifestyle, the female enjoys all the benefit of exercising the power, and the male surrenders to it, and experiences some of the dynamics of powerlessness. Even though I consider myself to be more of a stag than a cuck, it's a gaseous delineation that is far from clean. I see now that there is obviously a part of me that gets to experience being on the other side of this power differential. Again, it was highly stimulating and tangibly anxious.

After one of the hottest sex scenes we've ever shared, she explained to me that she has never been on this side of the equation as a woman. Part of this is because she comes from a very fundamentalist religious family. Part of it is because she is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Part of it was because her ******* was a narcissist and she was taught to be a perfectionist that serves others. And part of it is from 10,000 years of civilization.

She explained to me that this new understanding of what a HotWife is would be an entirely different experience and expression of her sexuality that she's never had. Wow, I love the idea of this. She then celebrated me for being a rare man that would be so willing to give her this power in freedom. Wow, I like that too! I realize it sounds grandiose, but I do consider myself to be a feminist, or at least as much of a feminist as a man can be. A year and a half ago I gave her a book called The Ethical Slut. I didn't know if she be interested in it. But she highlighted every page, and it changed her life.

I remember reading different erotic postings on here of where a woman does this mostly just to please her man, but then discovers herself in the process. I am literally witnessing this now. It brings up a myriad of conflicting thoughts and feelings in me. This is some seriously high octane stuff.

We have had three experiences with three different men during the last year and a half. They were all a pretty good experience. However, this was a few events over extended period of time and not a regular occurrence. I believe that is about to change in a major way. This ******* is literally setting sail on what appears to be a long term around the world full time voyage.

Earlier today she posted on her own a shout out for local BBC's in the SoCal area. I'm not sure how to describe my feelings about this. It's everything I read about on here on the forum but for real. I'm proud of her. I'm excited for her. I'm excited and stimulated. I'm uncomfortable and anxious. I'm having trouble sleeping. This lifestyle ******* seems to be a mixture of both an opiate and a stimulant at the same time. I'm so dissociative, and feeling a sense of pleasure, while I'm over anxious with an energy that is not within my control, but it's directly related to her control. I am definitely not the dominant in this dynamic.

I have to admit that I want this. I have to admit that I'm scared of this. I have to admit that I'm happy about this. I'm happy to admit that I am not the creator of what comes next. The only thing I can say is I'm grateful to have a place I can share some of this experience with others that understand and even appreciate it all.
My ability to make adjustments to my own work schedule now allows me to block out availability for my wife's decision to have dates every Wednesday night with a BBC. What the hell is this? I guess I'm about to find out.

I'm gonna post a few of the pictures we took from last week's escapade. I apologize if any of this was long-winded, but I don't know anyone in person I can safely talk about all this with other than the folks here on this forum. Thanks again for all the feedback, wisdom, and support from the earlier part of this thread.

 

[Swinksters]

Bon voyage

 

[Swinksters]

So, my wife gave me a bit of a heart attack last night when she casually leaned over and announced that she's getting a queen of spades tattoo on her ankle. I immediately experienced no small degree of anxiety when I realized I have no say over this. I then felt instantly guilty that I have been inadvertently giving her a mixed message. We just made the decision last week for her to move forward on her new paradigm of what an empowered, unapologetic, and free, HotWife can do. I meant that when I said it.

However, yikes! Seriously, this is a big decision. Putting it on her ankle means that everywhere we go forever more we are flying our flag in public, and will inevitably get all kinds of attention. Both good and bad. I meekly confessed that I was having mixed feelings about this. She immediately turned it all around and said she was happy to involve me in the decision. That was definitely calming. But it also made me feel that I just took some of the fun away from her. She meant it when she said it, but I could tell she was a bit disappointed. I felt terrible.

Good news is we then scoured the internet to look for different types. That was both fun and bonding and even exciting. It looks to be quite inevitable that we're going to give a green light to go forward with it. Last night I saw my old employee who I ran a clinic with for five years. He's one of my very favorite people. He was always extremely respectful to me and saw me as a wise and substantial person who was an expert in our field. He also appropriately saw me as a bit of a square. He was actually a part-time musician and was the epitome of cool. I personally witnessed how other women reacted to him and I was secretly jealous.

When my wife asked me last night how I wanted her to dress for the meeting, I replied that she should wear anything she wants. But if I'm to be honest with myself here, I really wanted her to get a little sexed out. Well, did she ever! She wore my favorite black dress that is very exposing, her HotWife necklace, and the Queen Of Spades anklet with her high heels. Freaking smoking!

My old friend literally couldn't control his reaction when he saw her. I felt preposterously proud of my sexy trophy wife. When we all said goodbye, he apparently said to her that next time he wants the R rated version of our story. She seductively turned to him, and then completely unabashed manner replied "I'm ready when you are". So whatever it is he was thinking, it was not just confirmed, but appropriately amplified in his head. I believe he is confused, completely stimulated, and happy for me. So, I'm now the cool guy. I never saw that coming....

So, maybe I want that tattoo on her in a visible place after all!

 

[Swinksters]

Holy cow,

I just came across the original thread that I started (“A Stags Contribution Back To The Forum”) before I changed it into this one, and noticed it had over 1000 views. I don't even know what to say about this, I just hope other people enjoyed reading what I wrote or got something meaningful from it. I have been so touched by all the feedback people wrote back to me on it.

It's official. Both my wife and I are now getting tattoos. She has decided that she wants a black Queen Of Spades emblem just above her ankle. This is a BIG decision because it's in a place that will be seen publicly. We thought it through, and we decided to do it anyway. My wife has many tattoos, so I shall defer to her wisdom and experience with these matters.

I am going to get my first ever one done as well. I've decided I want it to be a form of photo realism in all black where you can clearly see her face and her body. We found a great photo we took in New Orleans from a convention called Naughty In New Orleans two years ago. She's proudly kneeling on a bed in her red thong, looking to the right, with her hair framing her face. It will show her Queen of Spades tattoo in the tattoo that will go on my shoulder/arm, and we will have her wearing a thong that clearly says QOS on it.

We might also have a devil tail put on her image that will show from behind, and we may put the Queen Of Spades emblem on the tip of her tail.


We have an appointment Wednesday with the artist who will draw up sketch for both of us. He is incredibly talented at doing detailed work of faces. This is a giant step for both of us, and a genuine commitment to this lifestyle. We will definitely post to pictures here when we're done.

 

[Swinksters]

Picture for my arm tattoo (sorry about the blurred face).

 

[luckyman64]

It’s Wednesday! Hopefully getting an update?

 

[Swinksters]

It’s Wednesday! Hopefully getting an update?

It’s Wednesday! Hopefully getting an update?

I'm slightly embarrassed to report that there is no update. Today was supposed to be the day I get the tattoo. Our original idea somehow morphed into a whole new concept of an image that was more kink than HotWife, as we are also part of that community as well. The image was her portrait where I had my hand on her throat, and she had mascara and tears coming down her eyes. The artist did a series of photos he took to map out the concept. When we showed this to our friends, they were horrified.

My original concept of combining both our communities, and one tattoo proved to be too convoluted and busy.

So both my wife and myself decided to give it a week to think it through. I suspect that will still go forward with all of this soon enough, but we're taking a little time to make darn sure this is what we want to have permanently on us both (Hers is going to be a Queen of Spades image on her left ankle). Stay tuned! We hope to have fun stuff to show soon enough.

 

[Swinksters]

I was going to say that tomorrow is D- day for me, but I just learned that it actually is the anniversary of D-Day and I don't mean to be disrespectful. Thanks to all of you who have served.

Tomorrow is however, the day I get my first ever tattoo. And it's a big one. It's going to be a photorealistic portraiture of my wife on both my shoulder and arm. We decided to go more Kink oriented for this one. We earnestly attempted to include elements of our Queen Of Spades/ HotWife lifestyle, but it was just too darn convoluted and busy.

So for now our plan is for her to get her QOS tattoo on her ankle in the very near future. My wife has told me that she's going to wear her QOS tank top and anklet tomorrow as she keeps me company for the all day session with the Tattoo artist at his studio. We have already showed him the design we want for her tattoo on her ankle next. He must see all kinds of stuff all the time because he showed no emotion or reaction whatsoever. I guess it's pretty darn difficult to phase a tattoo artist!

While my wife is an MMA fighter and is able to tolerate the exquisite pain/pleasure of a 12 inch BBC, I am a complete wimp, so we'll see how my all day tattoo session goes tomorrow. And if that's not enough to convince you of my complete cowardice, I'll also mention that I had my mom give me some of her leftover pain medication from her last surgery, just in case. Who wants to place bets that I use all of it?

 

[jaughn7070]

Good luck to both of you. We hope you are pleased with the end result.

 

[Swinksters]

Well,

It's been a few weeks now and I still can't get used to this giant tattoo on my right arm/shoulder. It took a 9 1/2 hours in one sitting. I completely went into a dissociative fugue and somehow was able to both grin and bear it. My wife now claims that I'm a serious bad ass. I am more than a little proud that others have told me this as well after seeing the tattoo.

I apologize for having blurred it in this picture but I think you'll understand why I had to. I wish that I could fully display the minute detail exhibited in this photo realistic piece. The artist was simply amazing. Her eyes are completely liquid and glistening with moisture when you see it up close. On the occasions where I wear a tank top out at night to show it off, people are either horribly both stunned and disgusted, or fully lit up and complementary about what an amazing piece it is. It appears that I have a little of an exhibitionist in me that I was previously unaware of, because I just love the feedback.

We realize that my grand intention of making it a more complex tattoo that represented all the different elements of our sexuality in our life together had to be simplified and more focused on just one aspect of our wide spectrum of proclivities. So, we went with the Kink aspect part of our relationship because that was how we originally started. My wife still intends to get a large Queen Of Spades on her ankle, so that will cover the other part of our counterculture sexuality that is both explored and represented here in this forum.

It is very powerful going public in this way with our private life. I am fortunate in that I made the conscious decision to make sure that a simple polo shirt completely covers the tattoo, so I can be appropriate and incognito when I need to be. My wife however, is going to be more courageous and have hers be fully on display in a permanent manner on her ankle. This is not particularly surprising, she is definitely the braver one in our relationship.

 

[dickhurtz472]

great stuff.

 

[jaughn7070]

That is some impressive tattoo artistry. I can see why people are either horrified or impressed by it...maybe some of both. The work is great but the action being depicted is definitely not for everyone. But you have to do you. It is an expression of what is on your mind & the lifestyle you've chosen. Thanks for sharing it with us.

 

[Swinksters]

That is some impressive tattoo artistry. I can see why people are either horrified or impressed by it...maybe some of both. The work is great but the action being depicted is definitely not for everyone. But you have to do you. It is an expression of what is on your mind & the lifestyle you've chosen. Thanks for sharing it with us.

As always, thank you for your gracious reply.

Just so people understand, our Knk play is completely consensual, deeply connected, and spiritually powerful. And just to make everybody laugh, my wife is an MMA fighter and can flip me over her head and break my neck anytime she chooses to.

No, seriously, that last part was not a joke.

Both my wife and I have a lot of trauma in our bodies from our childhood abuse, and this form of somatic therapy has been incredibly grounding and powerfully releasing. Of all the modalities of treatment we have participated in individually, it is this type of play that has been the most freeing for us. However, I can certainly understand how that image is genuinely distressing to those not in the Kink community.

ironically, our friends in the Kink community genuinely seem to look down on our BBC Hotwife endeavors. We don’t care anymore. We are about to go forward with this on a whole new level and screw anyone That’s disgusted by it!

 

[jaughn7070]

It intrigues me how different 'communities' in the non-vanilla sexual realm will negatively judge others kinks and interests. You would think once you traveled down a different path it would make you more open to the idea that what turns one person on might be different for another & its all good as long as consenting adults are willingly participating and enjoying it.

BDSM isn't my thing but it is enjoyable for others. All good. Humiliation isn't my thing, but it turns on some, so how is that wrong or bad?

I like that you have the attitude you do. The things you and your lady enjoy are for YOU two. That means you enjoy what you want and others can get onboard - or at least accept - or they can be ignored for being non-supportive. Doing 'you' is what matters. You two are happy. No one else is being hurt or f-o-r-ced to participate. Seems like a positive, fulfilling relationship to me.

 

[Swinksters]

It intrigues me how different 'communities' in the non-vanilla sexual realm will negatively judge others kinks and interests. You would think once you traveled down a different path it would make you more open to the idea that what turns one person on might be different for another & its all good as long as consenting adults are willingly participating and enjoying it.

BDSM isn't my thing but it is enjoyable for others. All good. Humiliation isn't my thing, but it turns on some, so how is that wrong or bad?

I like that you have the attitude you do. The things you and your lady enjoy are for YOU two. That means you enjoy what you want and others can get onboard - or at least accept - or they can be ignored for being non-supportive. Doing 'you' is what matters. You two are happy. No one else is being hurt or f-o-r-ced to participate. Seems like a positive, fulfilling relationship to me.

Amen my brother!

We have previously compartmentalized the different aspects of our sexual life, depending on which group we were with at any given time. We kind of had our own epiphany and decided to no longer do that. We love what you just wrote. We both thank you for the validation and support.

We are just recently fully out of the closet with our Kinky friends in regards to BBC/HotWife activities. Some don't like it, a few are disgusted with it, and some seem to support us. We don't care. We are proudly planting our flag in regards to my wife loving BBC and me being fully supporting in this as her husband.

Thanks again for all your good words. We are grateful for this site because this is only becoming a more inherent and important part of our marriage and it sure is nice to have others to share it with.

 

[Swinksters]

So,

Last night I had a mind blowing, unexpected, and somewhat shocking experience. My wife completely changed personas on me without any warning. It blew my freaking mind. I did not know she had any of this in her. Recently we move from the bed to our gym that has a thick mat on the floor so she can practice squatting on me and strengthening those muscles that are required for this Cirque du Soleil pose. That has been nothing less than simply awesome for me. I am a little surprised how quickly she is gaining the athletic ability to perform this delicious sexual act on me. I was more than a little excited that we went to the gym last night for more of this practice.

However, something inexplicably and immediately occurred when she mounted me while in her squat above me. She instantaneously turned into a succubus. I'm not kidding. Her entire energy switched to this incredibly sexy and slightly frightening, aggressive, sexual creature. Her face, eyes, and voice became something I did not recognize whatsoever in the two years I've known her. This is slightly disturbing, because I really felt like I knew all of her. I now realize that is far from accurate.

She intensely stared into my eyes with a complete lack of empathy and a malicious/sadistic tone as she started to narrate that the entire purpose of practicing this position is for her future BBC lovers. She lowered herself gently just onto the tip of my cock and was smiling, like the joker, explaining how this was how she was going to begin to tease her black lovers. She went on with her monologue, demonstrating how she was slowly going to lower herself deeper onto the shaft, to cover it with her wetness. She then eventually began to lower herself all the way down while gleefully explaining how good it was going to feel being fully stretched out and filled. She then began to slowly rhythmically move up and down my shaft while whispering in my ear about how strong her legs and ass were getting. This enabled her to spend a long time in this position, milking her lovers.

Holy freaking cow!

I honestly can't describe the myriad of conflicting feelings that came over me during all of us. I was genuinely shocked, confused, uncomfortable, and turned on more than I think I ever have been in my entire life. Who is this person? How have I been with my wife for two years and not known this existed? What else haven't I known? What the hell is about to happen?!

My wife is an MMA fighter who wants flipped me over her shoulder without warning. She did this in front of a bunch other people and it was hysterical. I'm 250 pounds, and I have never been tossed around like a ragdoll. I intellectually knew she could probably do this from her training, but it was a completely different thing to actually experience it.

She did this again last night with her change of personality and energy. It was honestly more of a transformative experience than when she physically flipped me.

When we first got in bed last night she reminded me that she only had to ask me one more time for my permission to go forward fully in her complete immersion into the HotWife lifestyle. I had a jolt of adrenaline go through me. I asked her if she was actually now asking me for the third and last time. She both relieved and disappointed me when she said no, not quite yet. I realize now how much this is not a joke and how seriously she's taking all of this. I'm also beginning to see that she has a strategic and solidified plan. I'm not sure what it is, I'm not sure how complicated it is, and I honestly can't predict what it's going to be like for me when she carries it out. Last night I caught a glimpse of what an enormous experience this is going to be for both of us.

Although my wife was brought up in a well to do family in a wealthy suburb here in Southern California, her life became completely hijacked for the second time as a result of having been sexually trafficked as a baby. This, not surprisingly, led to a cataclysmic addiction to alcohol, methamphetamine and opiates. We are actually both in recovery from ******* and alcohol addiction, and we actually met each other in a 12 step meeting where we became dear friends. She had been a lesbian for 10 years, so it was wonderful when we first met to have a platonic and loving relationship with this delightful young lady. Neither one of us originally had a clue what this was going to turn into between us. I had no idea that she would become my trophy wife.

As as result of addiction, she became homeless for a period of several years and lived in a series of crack houses. She was exposed to unimaginable things and survived very real violence. She is my hero. My drugging and drinking at least happened in a safe, quiet upper middle class manner. As a result of needing to survive, she at times was ****** into a situation to sell herself for *******. As is our tradition, we have both taken the shame of our past, ******* and abuse, and turned it into our own kink that we therapeutically share between us. We are both perverts, and have shifted from running from that, to proudly owning and participating in it from a place of love and safety.

So, are sexy talk in bed about the idea of her selling herself in a legal brothel has gotten both of us off in a big way. We have even visited such an establishment out of state and talk to the Madame who hires the girls there. We have seriously considered doing this just for the thrill. I really want to experience this aspect of her. I am very sick in this way, and so is she. Every time I dirty talk that I want her to become a ******* again, she asks me if I'm sure that I want to experience this side of her.

Well last night I did. Honestly, I don't know how I was so naïve as to understand exactly what that meant. Because of my own abuse and sweet nature, she has always shown me nothing but respect, empathy, sensitivity, concern and gentleness. We have honestly not had one fight in the two years we’ve been together. So, I was flabbergasted to suddenly be exposed to this other side of her. It was thrilling! It was also somewhat uncomfortable. Although I have always considered myself to be more of a Stag than a cuck, last night made me not so sure anymore as to what the hell I am. All I know, is that I think I want more it.

I have been on this site for over a decade. At that time, the previous women I was with would have been absolutely horrified with me if I shared this secret kink with them. I knew not to. I honestly never thought I would be in a position where I would be able to participate in all of this. This is all so surreal. I acknowledge that I must be one of the luckiest men on this site. I am actually living this. I feel empathy for my other cohorts here who haven’t yet had a chance to. I hope my sharing all of this is fun for anyone who reads it. As a result of my own sexual abuse as a baby, I have been mostly sexually anorexic my entire life. It was a real problem in my previous relationships. I secretly led my life on porn and sites like this.

I'm not sure how I am now actually having a chance to live everything I ever thought about. I could never do this without the love, loyalty, and complete perversion that my wife is able to share with me.

Wish me luck, boys, this ******* is about to get real serious for me!

 

[jaughn7070]

Wow, that post was packed with some deeply meaningful information. Your wife's history and your history is significant in this journey you are now on. I'm starting to get why she is asking you three times if you are sure you want to do this as she is aware that it means her other persona is going to emerge. Thankfully she gave you a glimpse of that person so you can really think on this some more before fully committing.

Knowing your wife is a sexy, strong, desirable woman who can also switch to a dominant personality would be exciting! And concerning if you are just now "meeting" that 'new girl'. How does it play out when you fully take the plunge? It's the uncertainty that is both exciting and a little scary. If it all starts to go badly, can you ever put that genie back in the bottle? It feels like your marriage and relationship is going to change dramatically and for good if you give her that third "yes".

My wife warned me that if we went all in on this hotwife/stag lifestyle she might not be able to repress her true inner slut and I would have to accept that, regardless of where it led. With that knowledge, we hit the pause button and did a re-analysis. What did we want? What did we want to avoid? What are the larger ramifications for our family (*******/siblings/parents/grandparents) should our secret get out? We really needed to think it thru again as it got closer to coming to fruition. When your actions can negatively impact your children, caution comes into play more than you would guess. Thankfully you don't have that concern.

We ultimately backed off but continued some experimenting at a level that was comfortable and relatively safe for us, given the "big picture" of our lives @ that time. I think that's where you are sort of at right now; you've gotten a peek behind the curtain that is your wife's alter ego. Time to discuss parameters again? Say screw it and take the full plunge into the exciting yet sorta scary unknown? Something else?

I love that you two are on this journey together and are being very thoughtful and intentional with your actions and progress. No one is being dragged into anything reluctantly. That's great. You seem a perfect fit for each other at this moment.

Good luck and I hope you have fun w/whatever comes next! I'm excited and happy for you both.

 

[Swinksters]

Wow, that post was packed with some deeply meaningful information. Your wife's history and your history is significant in this journey you are now on. I'm starting to get why she is asking you three times if you are sure you want to do this as she is aware that it means her other persona is going to emerge. Thankfully she gave you a glimpse of that person so you can really think on this some more before fully committing.

Knowing your wife is a sexy, strong, desirable woman who can also switch to a dominant personality would be exciting! And concerning if you are just now "meeting" that 'new girl'. How does it play out when you fully take the plunge? It's the uncertainty that is both exciting and a little scary. If it all starts to go badly, can you ever put that genie back in the bottle? It feels like your marriage and relationship is going to change dramatically and for good if you give her that third "yes".

My wife warned me that if we went all in on this hotwife/stag lifestyle she might not be able to repress her true inner slut and I would have to accept that, regardless of where it led. With that knowledge, we hit the pause button and did a re-analysis. What did we want? What did we want to avoid? What are the larger ramifications for our family (*******/siblings/parents/grandparents) should our secret get out? We really needed to think it thru again as it got closer to coming to fruition. When your actions can negatively impact your children, caution comes into play more than you would guess. Thankfully you don't have that concern.

We ultimately backed off but continued some experimenting at a level that was comfortable and relatively safe for us, given the "big picture" of our lives @ that time. I think that's where you are sort of at right now; you've gotten a peek behind the curtain that is your wife's alter ego. Time to discuss parameters again? Say screw it and take the full plunge into the exciting yet sorta scary unknown? Something else?

I love that you two are on this journey together and are being very thoughtful and intentional with your actions and progress. No one is being dragged into anything reluctantly. That's great. You seem a perfect fit for each other at this moment.

Good luck and I hope you have fun w/whatever comes next! I'm excited and happy for you both.

Jaughn,

Every time my wife and I see that you replied to one of our posts, we light up. We so feel your genuine and deep understanding of our current journey. Your posts are always insightful and useful to both of us. Thank you for sharing the process that you and your wife went through and where you are with it at this point in time.

We just got back from Vegas a day ago, so I am still in recovery mode. Then, we just checked in with this site and read your reply. I am suddenly jolted back into the current state of anxiety and stimulation, because I actually forgot about what's happening here. My wife just let me know that she fully intends to ask me for the third and last time. Although we're both exhausted, we know we're about to get in bed later tonight and have fun. I am actually nervous because I'm not sure if tonight is the night, or if she's going to confront me later this week. It's both exhilarating and full of angst at the same time.

My wife let me know that this new persona she exposed me to several days ago was just a cameo appearance and not even remotely the full thing. I honestly don't understand how that's even possible. What I experienced was so surprising and overwhelmingly powerful that I can't imagine that there's even more of it. She's claiming that that was only about 5%. My wife is not one to make false statements, so that's a serious declaration on her part. What the hell does that mean? What in the name of heck does that look like?? I realize this isn't a joke.

As I had mentioned before, I have been on this site for at least a decade before I met my wife two years ago. I was nothing more than excited voyeur who used this site as a never ending source of stimulation and fantasy. It would appear that the universe has called my bluff. In mentioning some of our past abuse and recovery, I barely touched on just how destabilized and painful our lives have been previously. Neither one of us ever imagined we could be this consistently grounded, happy, and loved. We both cherish the last two years of our life and the gift we have been given in each other. We both have trauma, addiction, and mental health issues that will always be waiting just under the surface. Medication, therapy, and 12 step participation was the individual work we had to do on ourselves to get to where we are today.

So, there is a lot at stake here for both of us. Our lives have never been this good, and our marriage is the most grounding fundamental piece of that. We have taken our perversions and proclivities, and made it our own from a completely respectful place of full disclosure, love, and intimacy. This has also been part of our healing. Our underlying fundamental fail safe has always been to monitor closely whether or not anything we were doing was working or causing harm and becoming completely dedicated to making that a priority. So on paper, I think we can probably withstand what might lay directly ahead of us and going forward and further into this lifestyle.

However, this is a really big freaking deal. Both my wife and I are equally dedicated to embracing each other's darkness, and healing ourselves through doing so. I love the idea of having my wife let me in to the deepest, darkest part of both her past and herself. Before we left for Vegas, we had one of the most intense sexual encounters that we have ever shared. I purposely narrated some wonderful dirty talk where I told her and encouraged her to have orgasm after orgasm with her future lovers. In the three encounters we have had in this lifestyle, my wife has not allowed herself to have an orgasm with another lover. She feels this is a form of betrayal and that it would hurt me. It also takes a lot for her to feel safe enough to let go fully and have an orgasm with another person. I told her that I needed her to fully let go and allow herself to have orgasms with her lovers if she's going to fully go into this.

In the midst of this dirty talking, something unlocked within her. This caused her to have many orgasms that night which was so exciting for both of us. However, I then felt her completely shut down at one point to a degree where it actually hurt my feelings. We talked about this and she said that we had entered a previously unattainable place where she felt so fully loved in this secret and damaged area of herself and life. It makes sense that my love entering this space backfired. My wife was taught to be ashamed of this part of her past, and being celebrated and loved for it seriously shut her down. It was very scary for her. I told her that I completely understood, but I was still 100% dedicated to having her have a corrective experience to be both loved and celebrated for her darkness in this way. I seriously want this for her. I want to be the one to give it to her. What a beautiful sacred thing for us to share.

When looking back at all the things we've done sexually up to this point, it certainly seems inevitable we're going to go all the way forward with this. We will do so fully connected and taking care of each other. But seriously, I haven't gotten this high since I used to literally use chemicals to get high. I have a sad and unfortunate history of having smoked a lot of an addictive white substance back in the day before I was sober. I'm very lucky I survived. But the chemicals that are being released in my body now might actually be more of a stimulant than what I used to do! This stuff is seriously high-octane. The good news is that neither one of us feels addicted, compulsive, or out of control. But holy cow the neurotransmitters being released are actually more potent than the ******* I used to do. That's how freaking lit up with the pleasure/fear I am with all that is about to happen.

Thanks again for all of your replies, I believe I'm going to have quite a bit more to share here when we go from the theoretical to the experiential reality of this.

 

[jaughn7070]

I like it!
You sound like you both get it. The sharing & dirty talk are fun and open avenues to explore BUT you also realize that the most important and treasured relationship you have is with each other. Keep that focal point in mind as you move fwd.

If something (or someone) is jeopardizing your primary, loving relationship with each other then end it with that person or that situation. You have something beautiful. Preserve that always.

Now go have fun and live your fantasies and dreams! We get one trip on this ride called life - might as well enjoy it and make the most of it.

 

[Blackasslover6]

So, my wife gave me a bit of a heart attack last night when she casually leaned over and announced that she's getting a queen of spades tattoo on her ankle. I immediately experienced no small degree of anxiety when I realized I have no say over this. I then felt instantly guilty that I have been inadvertently giving her a mixed message. We just made the decision last week for her to move forward on her new paradigm of what an empowered, unapologetic, and free, HotWife can do. I meant that when I said it.

However, yikes! Seriously, this is a big decision. Putting it on her ankle means that everywhere we go forever more we are flying our flag in public, and will inevitably get all kinds of attention. Both good and bad. I meekly confessed that I was having mixed feelings about this. She immediately turned it all around and said she was happy to involve me in the decision. That was definitely calming. But it also made me feel that I just took some of the fun away from her. She meant it when she said it, but I could tell she was a bit disappointed. I felt terrible.

Good news is we then scoured the internet to look for different types. That was both fun and bonding and even exciting. It looks to be quite inevitable that we're going to give a green light to go forward with it. Last night I saw my old employee who I ran a clinic with for five years. He's one of my very favorite people. He was always extremely respectful to me and saw me as a wise and substantial person who was an expert in our field. He also appropriately saw me as a bit of a square. He was actually a part-time musician and was the epitome of cool. I personally witnessed how other women reacted to him and I was secretly jealous.

When my wife asked me last night how I wanted her to dress for the meeting, I replied that she should wear anything she wants. But if I'm to be honest with myself here, I really wanted her to get a little sexed out. Well, did she ever! She wore my favorite black dress that is very exposing, her HotWife necklace, and the Queen Of Spades anklet with her high heels. Freaking smoking!

My old friend literally couldn't control his reaction when he saw her. I felt preposterously proud of my sexy trophy wife. When we all said goodbye, he apparently said to her that next time he wants the R rated version of our story. She seductively turned to him, and then completely unabashed manner replied "I'm ready when you are". So whatever it is he was thinking, it was not just confirmed, but appropriately amplified in his head. I believe he is confused, completely stimulated, and happy for me. So, I'm now the cool guy. I never saw that coming....

So, maybe I want that tattoo on her in a visible place after all!

Just because one has the power and authority to do anything they want, must they? Should they?