Except for my mom, our families didn't know until about five years ago. We had two "leaks" on social media in a short period of time. Not many people saw the explicit photos, but word of mouth ended the secret. Both times were by people we had trusted for years, but we had stopped participating in the lifestyle with them and they couldn't accept it.
Several years ago, at my husband's suggestion, we tried to set up my mom with the dad of a black guy we knew, but she got cold feet at the last minute and backed out. Her loss