unsure of how to proceed!!!

[KatyMisbehavin]

Your wife may be using the morals as an excuse to cover up other concerns she has. The husband and I are in the opposite boat - I'd love to at least try opening things up but he is worried about the repercussions to our relationship even from a one time encounter. Could your wife have similar concerns? Is that something you have discussed? That seems like the bigger issue that she may really be having- trust in yourselves and your marriage. The problem is its kind of a circular argument - you don't really know whats going to happen until you do it - so we are just continuing to talk and fantasize at this point until we figure it out - or maybe some lucky drunken coincidence occurs!!!!

 

[James Moody]

A couple of comments from this peanut gallery…

• The Christian part: You control this issue completely. It’s totally up to you how you feel or are influenced by others for your actions. As humans, we have developed and adhere to – as a society – limits to our behavior for the sake of ‘being civilized’. We adopted what we variously refer to as a moral code, a super ego (yeah, welcome in, Freud), or an entire system of do’s and don’ts. However, as we live our lives with our layers upon layers of complexities, we both consciously and subconsciously deviate from whatever ‘code’ we have adopted. Being human, we behave inconsistently in every single aspect of life except death (we all have to do that sooner or later). How bad we feel when we deviate depends on how we choose to feel about our deviation. There are two variables: do we consider what we do a deviation at all, and second, if we determine we’ve deviated, how bad a deviation was it? Your answer (and no one else’s!) kicks in whatever ‘punishment’ you personally ascribe to that specific transgression. As @Khrises4u said, in the moment, God will not strike you down if you feel you’ve deviated too much. (Forgiveness – remember?) We all have limits to our conformity and non-conformity and those limits are fluid hour by hour. I personally suggest that your even participating in this lifestyle forum with your fantasies indicates you at least don’t consider it 100% wrong. I ascribe to being conforming to some degree (you don’t see my real name or details here, do you?) but when it comes to IR sex, it’s “if it feels good, do it!”
• Your relationship, your existence as a couple. To me, this is the real toughie. If you communicate within yourself as well as between the two of you, honestly and with transparency, then you’ll survive however your relationship is meant to survive, which of course, includes possible dissolution. That is, a relationship is as strong or weak as it is strong or weak. Until it is tested, you don’t really know. However, with that honesty and transparency in your communication, your relationship may make it through the ups, downs, changes and compromises it will undoubtedly encounter and you’ll be better off for it. And if it doesn’t, you’ll at least understand and see why as you go through its dissolution, being all the wiser as you evolve into your next relationship. Your world need not end – it’ll just be different.

I’ve seen, fairly up close, exactly equal numbers of ‘success’ in couples in this lifestyle as ‘failures’. More often, I see struggles and strains some couples encounter, but the joys and pleasures of the lifestyle counter balance that a hell of a lot. No, you cannot undo it if you try it, but the point should be – in my opinion – to learn and gain strength from whatever the outcome and continue living.