The conservative wife dilemma
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very generous replyNot sure if i would call that a "conservative wife".But i wonder if you don't see that you are actually holding the keys in your own hands. You say it all...
1st: It is important that she completely trusts that you won't change your mind once it (her with another guy) becomes reality. (And can you definitely say you wouldn't?) She doesn't want to do anything that could threaten your relationship. That's a good thing!
2nd: You need to make her understand the difference between cheating and a couple's lifestyle! And i am not sure you 100% know that yourself. It is never cheating if the partner knows and approves of it! But it can be wrongly perceived as such by an individual. Just look at your situation and how that line is interpreted by her. i know guys who would even be jealous of a toy(!) and ask themselves questions like "Is my dick not enough for her?". - That's just to illustrate how differently "cheating" can be seen. From what you say, she accepts camming with someone else in your presence without thinking of it as cheating. Well, first, it is something you do as a couple with you, the husband, physically present. Second, there is no other dick physically present but only on a screen that can be turned off at any given moment if it starts becoming uncomfortable.
i think there is a chance to adjust her thinking about what cheating really is, if you take small steps, building on what she is already accepting of. Most probably she won't go out alone on a date with another guy and see how that will work out. But she might be open to go further with your sexual play as a couple so long as some conditions are met. Imagine the following...
1. She trusts that it won't harm your relationship or change the way you think of her and/or your respect for her
2. She believes it won't become uncomfortable (which also means there has to be some level of trust and chemistry with the other guy)
3. It will actually be sex with you more than with the other man. And think of it: your online play with other guys is already an example. You are there and more involved than the other guy. But in the end she is already including another man in a way.
4. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. Like @Davidspencer79 said: If you play secretly there is no need to explain to or even think about family or friends as they will not have the slightest idea. To have something unshared with others "in your circle" completely to yourselves and being "partners in crime" can strengthen your relationship big time.
All i've said above is what i can speak of from my own experience. Of course no two relationships or Women are the same. i would not describe my ex as "conservative" but definitely she was very much against the thought of cheating. It helped for us to simply not see it as cheating but us being in a perfectly monogamous relationship instead. Even though that included additional "playmates" occasionally. For her it was hard to take the first steps into the "wifesharing" lifestyle. On the other hand it only took one first experience for her to be hooked.
A glass of wine had helped her to get over the initial shyness that otherwise would have prevented her from doing what she really wanted.
Rob Johnson
Male
I think harming the marriage is the hardest obstacle. I would say things like “ if you had a magic wand and harming the marriage and the STD worry could be taken away, would you then go for it”
If she says yes, then she really wants it, it really appeals but there is just the two obstacles to overcome.
Then just fantasise about the end result and say, let’s not worry about it happening, let’s just fantasise about the end result, no pressure, we won’t be discussing it actually happening.
The more she thinks, the more she takes those worries out the equation, the more she will want, then the more her wants will overcome the barriers.
It is then just a case ( a good while after) of overcoming the barriers by maybe testing beforehand and reassurances.
very good advice. I've told her to imagine the real thing when I put her black dildo inside her.
In response to point 1. of yours... A marriage or any relationship depends on two people. It is a nice idea to "reassure" her that the marriage will be fine, but on another note, how does she feel about it? - There are Women who have a predefined idea of what a marriage in their opinion should be like. If you change your lifestyle as a couple, will it still be the marriage she is longing for? Are you still the man she has intended to marry? Apart from that... There are people (Women and men) who fall in love over sex easily. Does she see her/your marriage threatened by the possibility she may perhaps catch emotions and eventually leave you for another guy?
point 2. Constant messages can be fine as long as the partner (your wife/girlfriend) doesn't feel pressured. If you can make her feel like a "wifesharing" lifestyle is what you really want, it can be a start. But also there is an improtance of explaining why you want it. What is your gain as the husband? If you can't explain that in a manner that she will understand it, you will have a hard time convincing her. Also... it has to be something she is also turned-on by. If that is not the case, you better leave it.
Most things you can read in the forums here are very sexuality-driven and most come from a male perspective. In the end it is not a question who brings up a lifestyle like this. (Sometimes it is the Woman/wife.) But the one who surprisingly listens to the suggestion of opening up the relationship (again, no matter Woman or man) is typically more concerned about the relationship itself than the potential sexual pleasure an altered lifestyle may provide. It is important to listen and understand what kind of emotions like fear perhaps your partner (wife) has and her concerns about an open/half-open sexual lifestyle. Many times a husband's mind may revolve around the sexual pleasures (for both) of seeing or knowing his wife receiving another man's dick, the wife will have questions instead like "Am I, the wife, or the sex life we already have not enough for my husband?" or "Does my husband suggest an open lifestyle because what he really wants is having sex with someone else himself?" - Typical questions that need to be addressed.
Most Women who are in a relationship with a man are also sexually attracted to men. It is part of their personality. Most probably she had had sex with a man within or without relationships before and/or has sexual fantasies about men including others who are not the current partner. That does not necessarily mean that she actually "wants to fuck another man", as you put it. But if she feels secure and loved in her relationship no matter it is strictly monogamous or sexually open, and she can see the benefits of a "wifesharing" lifestyle for her life partner too, then what's left to hold her back from going after her natural sexual desire for men? - Food for thought.
NoobCouple
Couple
My hubby was Is a little reluctant, but I told him we would set it up out of state and I would not contact the Bull/BBC without his knowledge. I also told him I want more of a threesome or foursome with him and 1-3 black guys. You have to let her know she’s safe and your opinion of her isn’t going to change, promise her no addresses will be given it as well.
I was the total prim, proper, conservative socialite white wife. Hubby and I have been married 37 years. He brought this up years ago an I said NO!!! He never gave up and slowly gently he continued to suggest and talk to me. We played the games, watched the IR porn everything. He was patient and after years and I mean years of refusing I finally said okay. He then took me out of town were he had set up my first playtime with any other man ever. Hubby found the prefect Black Man to walk me down this road. He knew I was scared so he went slow and was so gentle and made me the center of the world. THE BBC WORLD!!!! I had never experienced anything like it and was totally HOOKED. Now after 4 years I like so many others wonder why I waited so long. I am still that prim proper consecutive church going white wife by day. But on weekends out of town I HAVE BECOME A TOTAL BLACK COCK SLUT AND LOVE EVRY MINUTE OF IT.
Be honest/upfront about your why you want her to participate in the Lifestyle and then, invite her to listen to podcasts like Front Porch Swingers, Curious Couple or another podcast so, you both can get a "feel" for it. If, and when ready then, attend a club or house-party....slow and steady wins the race. The real work is between you both regarding moral and religious principles.
How did you feel about it
Well we agreed on an open relationship beforehand so her getting another man wasn't an issue. I just never expected them to be black. I think her first black man left an impression as she hasn't had a white guy since
I'd like my wife to
I'm a husband who actually had to talk to his wife and in trying the first couple ones didn't impress her much tried one last time got one that was Dominic Barry home and made me watch grabbed her and I mean dog fuck the ******* out of her we have a very strong relationship she is openly told me that I make her come because of our love but they make her come because of the raw animalistic sex separate the two and trust your wife and always respect her doing it for you so if she enjoys it that your fantasy that's what she supposed to do
You just need to explain that it's not cheating if you know it and are ok with it. Morally wrong is to be able to cum multiple times with squirtings fucking BBC's and don't do it.
I'm sure it can
So, we are kind of here too. Except we both vacillate on It. Like we have escalated the cuck role play/fantasy and last night we were fucking and we were both so deep into the cuck/hotwife role play and the look of pure ******* on her face as I fucked her made me want to do anything to get her back to that point or higher. How did you guys get over the mental hump? Or did you just grab the bull by the horns and let him black your wife? I’ve lurked here long enough to know trust is imperative and I’d say my wife 100% trusts me (why wouldn’t she, as she says she will probably be fine getting her cake and eating it too) I am at like 98%, with the remaining two being mainstream monkey brain Conditioning and fear of fucking up the greatest thing going. So, help.
I should have read this before making my comment and questions.Not sure if i would call that a "conservative wife".
1st: It is important that she completely trusts that you won't change your mind once it (her with another guy) becomes reality. (And can you definitely say you wouldn't?) She doesn't want to do anything that could threaten your relationship. That's a good thing!
2nd: You need to make her understand the difference between cheating and a couple's lifestyle! And i am not sure you 100% know that yourself. It is never cheating if the partner knows and approves of it! But it can be wrongly perceived as such by an individual. Just look at your situation and how that line is interpreted by her. i know guys who would even be jealous of a toy(!) and ask themselves questions like "Is my dick not enough for her?". - That's just to illustrate how differently "cheating" can be seen. From what you say, she accepts camming with someone else in your presence without thinking of it as cheating. Well, first, it is something you do as a couple with you, the husband, physically present. Second, there is no other dick physically present but only on a screen that can be turned off at any given moment if it starts becoming uncomfortable.
i think there is a chance to adjust her thinking about what cheating really is, if you take small steps, building on what she is already accepting of. Most probably she won't go out alone on a date with another guy and see how that will work out. But she might be open to go further with your sexual play as a couple so long as some conditions are met. Imagine the following...
1. She trusts that it won't harm your relationship or change the way you think of her and/or your respect for her
2. She believes it won't become uncomfortable (which also means there has to be some level of trust and chemistry with the other guy)
3. It will actually be sex with you more than with the other man. And think of it: your online play with other guys is already an example. You are there and more involved than the other guy. But in the end she is already including another man in a way.
4. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. Like @Davidspencer79 said: If you play secretly there is no need to explain to or even think about family or friends as they will not have the slightest idea. To have something unshared with others "in your circle" completely to yourselves and being "partners in crime" can strengthen your relationship big time.
All i've said above is what i can speak of from my own experience. Of course no two relationships or Women are the same. i would not describe my ex as "conservative" but definitely she was very much against the thought of cheating. It helped for us to simply not see it as cheating but us being in a perfectly monogamous relationship instead. Even though that included additional "playmates" occasionally. For her it was hard to take the first steps into the "wifesharing" lifestyle. On the other hand it only took one first experience for her to be hooked.
A glass of wine had helped her to get over the initial shyness that otherwise would have prevented her from doing what she really wanted.
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