SOCCER MOM HAS A DARK SECRET

Cucumbers will stay hard for more than a week. A cucumber is usually at
least six inches long. Cucumbers don't tell you size doesn't count.
Cucumbers aren't jealous of your gynecologist, hair dresser, or tennis
instructor.
A cucumber won't ask about your previous lover, or speculate about
the next.
A cucumber won't make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the
fridge. A cucumber won't proposition your best friend. A cucumber doesn't
want to improve your mind. A cucumber doesn't care if you don't shave your
legs. A cucumber won't bug you about losing weight or going to exercise
class. A cucumber can stay up all night.
With a cucumber, you don't have to sleep on the wet spot.
Cucumbers can't carry a cold or the clap -- they grow
their own penicillin. A cucumber won't tell you a vasectomy
will ruin it for him.
A cucumber won't tell you he had a vasectomy when he really didn't.
A cucumber won't use your toothbrush, deodorant, or hair spray.
A cucumber doesn't leave hair in your sink or a ring in your bathtub.
A cucumber won't serve to your backhand.
Cucumbers grow in "it"; they aren't full of it.
A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
With a cucumber, you'll never find used jogging shorts in your lingerie.
A cucumber doesn't expect you to do his laundry.
A cucumber never asks your age.
No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber.
You can fondle a cucumber in the supermarket, and know how firm it is
before you take it home. A cucumber will never give you a hickey. A
cucumber can get away any weekend. With a cucumber, you don't have
to check in as "Mrs. Cucumber."
You can go to the movies with a cucumber, and see the movie. A cucumber
won't eat all the popcorn and send you out for nachos.
A cucumber will always respect your privacy, and not want to
do it in unusual places.
A cucumber can always wait until you get home.
Cucumbers never need a round of applause. Cucumbers never suffer from
performance anxiety. A cucumber doesn't ask "Was I the best?"
A cucumber doesn't care if you're a virgin.
With a cucumber, you don't have to be a virgin more than once.
Cucumbers don't compare notes.
Cucumbers don't have sex hangups, and aren't into chains
and leather and talking dirty.
A cucumber won't make you wear kinky clothes.
You can have as many cucumbers a night as you can handle.
You can eat a cucumber whenever you feel like it.
A cucumber won't ask for a transfer just when you're
in line for a promotion.
A cucumber doesn't care if you make more money than he does.
A cucumber doesn't bum cigarettes and ask you to cook dinner.
A cucumber won't switch channels from your soaps to "All Star Wrestling."
Cucumbers don't turn your sewing room into a gym,chill
their Nikes in your fridge, or lift weights by hoisting
you over their head.
A cucumber doesn't call with "I have to work
tonight" and then come home totally sloshed.
A cucumber doesn't lose its firmness when pickled.
A cucumber doesn't ask "Can we try something new?"
A cucumber doesn't have allergies to your cat.
A cucumber doesn't leave whisker burns, drool on your
sheets, or fall asleep in the middle of a conversation.
Cucumbers don't ask for breakfast in bed.
A cucumber doesn't make *you* go to the 7-11.
You'll never find out later that your cucumber is still married.
A cucumber won't call you Jill when your name is Nancy.
A cucumber doesn't expect you to play Florence nightingale.
 
If she has a dark secret, it's now hardly secret. That is, unless pics like this never get spread all over the net like a call girl or gigolo spreads for money.
 
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