I read Ian Gibson’s
The English Vice by chance, after discovering that the author of a biography of Lorca had also published a study of flogging and flagellation in English society. My early curiosity about BDSM made me visit the university bookstore... I still remember the face of the mature librarian when he discovered a 21-year-old girl interested on such embarrassing subject.
Gibson demonstrated that flagellation and physical punishments in British schools made generations of respected Victorians awake a craving of a masochistic nature, so common and ingrained in society that in all Europe was considered a part of the English identity. Perhaps the most fascinating fact is the educational authorities were aware that the cane punishments to rebel students, conceived to make them “true men”, were actually converting their youths into masochists that enjoyed with such passive, unmanly role.
As a teacher, many times I have wondered at what extend an specific sexual behaviour, considered “deviant” by mainstream values, could be created throught education. In her famous erotic novel, Emmanuelle Arsan describes some Asian societies in which marital fidelity does not exist and during the adolescence youngsters are educated to share their sexual partners. Jealous boys are ****** to offer their girlfriends to others, guiding their erections to penetrate their beloved.
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When I was married the idea of being able to "educate" my hubby into cuckoldry was a common fantasy. There are many kinds of cucks and the most common are men who pursuit sharing their wives due the emotional cocktail often called “cuckold angst”. This disturbing and contradictory mixture of excitement, humiliation and anger is considered the most intensely erotic turmoil a male can ever experience. Individuals who are able to accept it may find it highly addictive, and often find themselves wanting to experience it again in subsequent relationships with different women.
However, the most amazing type is the “natural cuckold”, a man who typically experienced an emotional trauma during their sexually formative years. When he discovers his girlfriend’s infidelity, reason tells him that he must break the relationship, but sexual excitement betray him as he finds her more attractive, begging her to come back to him. Once this red line is crossed, this pattern will tend to repeat itself, becoming a point of no return. The popular proverb “once a woman goes black, she never goes back” is as true as the phrase “once a cuckold, always a cuckold”.
Love and sexual attraction do not have to converge. It is possible to love without sexual attraction and it is possible to have sexual attraction without love. It is possible to have neither, it is possible to have both. So I thought it was also possible for me to be completely in love with my husband even with no sex... but I felt something different when the lack of intimacy became common in our marriage.
Eventually, I cheated him with my Black Dom and guilt ****** me to confess this situation. When we tried an open relationship (with some basic norms), I had a lot of expectations about him embrazing a cuckold role. I perceived good signs, as he obviously found the idea exciting. We had a tacit agreement of not mentioning details about our sex lifes with others... so I went step by step. I came back later of the gym and we both knew what I did during that time. I started to buy expensive lingerie and we both knew who was going to enjoy it. His sexual interest on me suddenly grew and hot comments about his cheating wife appeared when we made love. For some weeks I thought this triangle would be the magic solution to recover my lost love and explore a new continent of sexual possibilities. But as the matter of fact I did not interpret properly the situation.
Russian roulette players become addicted to the game because when they finally squeeze the trigger and the shot does not come, the intense hormonal reaction that prepared them to face death become frustrating. This physiological unresolved situation creates a feeling of non-fullness that increases the excitatory potential and therefore the expectations for the next game. It is like an orgasm abruptly interrupted. Any stimulus that reminds him that moment of intense excitement will be enough to make them want to have the gun in the temple again. It is not death to which the player desires, but the extreme excitement of the ritual. It is the path, and not the goal, what creates such attraction.
The extreme and sustained tension suffered by long-term hostages is also the roots of the Stockholm Syndrome, a reaction that in some cases make the victims feel affinity towards the kidnappers as a way of psychological defense. This unresolved tension around an outcome assumed as inevitable provokes, after the liberation, psychophysiological features close to frustration that, in extreme cases, lead the victim looking for his aggressor as the only way to recover the level of excitement lived but not consummated.
The idea of me as a “hotwife” maintained my husband in a similar state, but everything changed when the idea became a reality in his mind. The turning point was the first meeting with my black Dom: he is 35 years old, very atlethic and attrative, while my hubby is 50 and out of shape. My husband probably felt that he could not compete, as he tried to improve his stamina with blue pills. He organized soft BDSM sessions, tacitly asking for my validation, but I could not see him as a true Dom. Since the moment he accepted his inferiority sharing me with a true Alpha, my perception of him dramatically changed.
We ran up against this very hard truth, together with the lie that "size does not matter". My husband turned towards other means of improving the sexual dynamics between us through oral pleasure. Cunnilingus became his best bet to keep our sexual connection, but I saw him so eager to please that, at the end, it was counterproductive and this sign of weakness aroused my dominant side. During oral sex I started to describe humiliating scenarios and cruel comparisons between my Black Dom and him.
Maybe there was a lack of sincere communication, maybe my strong desire to find a cuckold prevented me to perceive the signs, but the final outcome was a bitter discussion in which he called me “whore”.
I used to return home without showering so he could smell my black Dom’s scent still on my skin. I made sure that he could see the marks of my Dom's spankings on my buttocks. One Saturday night, when our daughters were not at home, I returned after a long BDSM session and he wanted sex. Led by a perverse idea, I confessed that my pussy was still soaked with the seed of my black lover, so he could taste it. Suddenly, his expression changed. The use of condoms had been one of the rules we established, so I imagine that he felt betrayed again.
It was not the first failed open relationship in my life. Many men find the idea apealling, as they would have freedom to find sex outside the couple. But, at the end of the day, women always have more chances to find sex and the deal could be considered unfair. Masculinity tends to be a bit of all or nothing affair. Its paradigm is a male who always looks strong, is assertive, dominant and assumes responsabilities in public. Any man who does not struggles and argues to impose his opinion, even if justified, is not considered manly. Maculinity is not only about natural character and strong physique, but also the outcome of a constant competition and a quality that requires a certain amount of self-control to achieve and hence it is a life choice, an act of the will.
Some men have a natural ability to lead, while others are natural followers. It is in the “unfairness” of interracial cuckoldry where a white man can embrace an inferior role and relishs his natural place of omega, free of the opressive weight that the patriarchy have left over his shoulders. Adopting a passive role and watching his wife being owned, used and controlled by a man better than him, can be a stress reliever. The sexist rules based on possession also allow him to enjoy with humiliation, excitement and shame.
But cuckoldry is also a demonstration of trust and love. If a man truly loves his wife, he will always want the best for her: a dominant black bull that will use her pale body. There is nothing wrong with that, as the cuck knows his wife will be under the watchful hand of a male strong enough to give her everything what he cannot.
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