At the Catholic school I was taught that woman is the perpetual temptress because the heat radiating from her lustful sex. Guilt became like leather straps that marked across my childish soul, knowing that only submission granted my salvation. A woman should remain untouched, her virginity should be a gift to her husband. Purity and chastity represented true freedom and gave life real meaning and purpose. Traditional gender roles were simple: he protects and provides. In return, she takes care of his needs and becomes his stress-reliever. Causal sex only devalues the spiritual side of sexuality and ruins its true meaning.
So pure, so simple.
Identity is concerned with a simple question: “Who I am?” It relates to the basic values that dictate our life choices. But most of humans simply internalize the values of their parents and the dominant culture. Even if you reject them, they left a deep mark in your soul.
By the time I was in high school, I discovered feminism and eventually lost my faith. I desired to break with all these imposed values. But soon I discovered an inner struggle between these feminist convictions and my sexually submissive side. When I was a baby, I always followed the rules. I craved the praises of my parents and teachers for every achievement. I needed a strong person leading me to feel comfortable and safe. I only find my pleasure by pleasing others.
As I discovered sex, I believed that adopting a submissive role I was betraying all the female genre. Finally, I concluded that none of the problems women have will improve or get worse depending on what I do in my bedroom so I stopped thinking about it. However, this cognitive dissonance dragged me from one boyfriend to the next, searching for someone to validated me. Prior to knowing my Black Dom, I was unable to feel a deep emotional attraction towards a male.
Then I faced my Shadow.
The "Shadow” is a concept created by the psychiatrist Carl Jung that describes those aspects of the personality that we choose to reject and repress. In our childhood, society teaches us that certain behaviors, emotions and sexual desires are inappropriate. Anyone who challenge them becomes outcast, so we spend our lives trying to toe them. The only way to escape from this recurring frustration is to mask it, so we create and perform a persona.
The first BDSM session with my Black Dom blew my mind. I was ****** to leave aside my persona and knew that to find more happiness in life means to live in harmony with one’s true self.
When I came in contact with the websites of the “interracial lifestyle” I discovered it has its own rules and is strictly categorized. Being into the lifestyle means you have to fit with some tastes, pre-established behaviors, sexual practices, standard aesthetics and common places. My age instantaneously converted me into a “Milf” and I was treated accordingly, but maybe the greatest expression of these strict stereotypes is the hotwife/bull/cuckold triangle.
I have always enjoyed white privilege, but I also have been objectified as a "busty blonde" for as long as I can remember. Since I started in the interracial scene, I have been called every single adjective used in reference to a “white slut” or a “BBC lover” so much so that my mind recognizes that I was a fetish long before I decided to become one just to fit with these expectations.
Transgression brings disappointment. But I am not the only to be critized for acting out of a label. My Dom's attitude and sexual behavior have been often considered "too white" by many people. Being a "bull" means to be thuggish. These mentalities are deeply socialized in the interracial lifestyle. The Bull role, shaped by porn movies that are intended for white male’s arosual, creates a set of expectations that can be exhausting.
However, stereotypes and pre established personas work for the two sides. There is something obvious that my black lovers may even be too ashamed to admit. Being with a white woman, enjoying her pale body, has the perception of a trophy. Some of them may feel to be accepted by the white society, even though they are just seen as sex competitors and the act itself is considered a form of reverse aggression. They however know that as long as the bull continue acting in own their terms, they will still have control: blacks would be just disposable actors to get their selfish arousal.
When I decided to explore this forbidden part of myself, I wanted to break the rules of the dominant culture... not embracing the rules of an equally strict subculture. I love submitting to a black man who represents masculinity in every way, who cherishes and respects my submission. However, I am not objectifying my Black Dom. I am not viewing him as a BBC, I am viewing him as all facets of who he is. A man, a mentor, a friend, a Master. During sex, we are not merely reenacting scenarios that were intended for the entertainment of white males. The imitation of interracial porn corrupts the sexual and emotional relationship between a black man and a white woman.
When I worship a black cock, I try to experience my desires outside of the gaze of white supremacy and define myself and my cravings of serving a black man on my own terms. The potential of interracial BDSM practices to redefine racial relationships is immense. But this potential must be outside of the hegemonic white discourse, where we can be ourselves and express the true essence of our masculinity and femininity out of the roles embedded in the dominant social conscious.
Labels can be useful. Stereotypes are a double-edged weapon, sometimes you can use them in your own profit. Identity is never “final” and continues to develop through the lifespan. But when people misrepresent themselves or present themselves in out-of-character ways to fit with an audience, their behavior becomes unnatural and exhausting.
So pure, so simple.
Identity is concerned with a simple question: “Who I am?” It relates to the basic values that dictate our life choices. But most of humans simply internalize the values of their parents and the dominant culture. Even if you reject them, they left a deep mark in your soul.
By the time I was in high school, I discovered feminism and eventually lost my faith. I desired to break with all these imposed values. But soon I discovered an inner struggle between these feminist convictions and my sexually submissive side. When I was a baby, I always followed the rules. I craved the praises of my parents and teachers for every achievement. I needed a strong person leading me to feel comfortable and safe. I only find my pleasure by pleasing others.
As I discovered sex, I believed that adopting a submissive role I was betraying all the female genre. Finally, I concluded that none of the problems women have will improve or get worse depending on what I do in my bedroom so I stopped thinking about it. However, this cognitive dissonance dragged me from one boyfriend to the next, searching for someone to validated me. Prior to knowing my Black Dom, I was unable to feel a deep emotional attraction towards a male.
Then I faced my Shadow.
The "Shadow” is a concept created by the psychiatrist Carl Jung that describes those aspects of the personality that we choose to reject and repress. In our childhood, society teaches us that certain behaviors, emotions and sexual desires are inappropriate. Anyone who challenge them becomes outcast, so we spend our lives trying to toe them. The only way to escape from this recurring frustration is to mask it, so we create and perform a persona.
The first BDSM session with my Black Dom blew my mind. I was ****** to leave aside my persona and knew that to find more happiness in life means to live in harmony with one’s true self.
When I came in contact with the websites of the “interracial lifestyle” I discovered it has its own rules and is strictly categorized. Being into the lifestyle means you have to fit with some tastes, pre-established behaviors, sexual practices, standard aesthetics and common places. My age instantaneously converted me into a “Milf” and I was treated accordingly, but maybe the greatest expression of these strict stereotypes is the hotwife/bull/cuckold triangle.
I have always enjoyed white privilege, but I also have been objectified as a "busty blonde" for as long as I can remember. Since I started in the interracial scene, I have been called every single adjective used in reference to a “white slut” or a “BBC lover” so much so that my mind recognizes that I was a fetish long before I decided to become one just to fit with these expectations.
Transgression brings disappointment. But I am not the only to be critized for acting out of a label. My Dom's attitude and sexual behavior have been often considered "too white" by many people. Being a "bull" means to be thuggish. These mentalities are deeply socialized in the interracial lifestyle. The Bull role, shaped by porn movies that are intended for white male’s arosual, creates a set of expectations that can be exhausting.
However, stereotypes and pre established personas work for the two sides. There is something obvious that my black lovers may even be too ashamed to admit. Being with a white woman, enjoying her pale body, has the perception of a trophy. Some of them may feel to be accepted by the white society, even though they are just seen as sex competitors and the act itself is considered a form of reverse aggression. They however know that as long as the bull continue acting in own their terms, they will still have control: blacks would be just disposable actors to get their selfish arousal.
When I decided to explore this forbidden part of myself, I wanted to break the rules of the dominant culture... not embracing the rules of an equally strict subculture. I love submitting to a black man who represents masculinity in every way, who cherishes and respects my submission. However, I am not objectifying my Black Dom. I am not viewing him as a BBC, I am viewing him as all facets of who he is. A man, a mentor, a friend, a Master. During sex, we are not merely reenacting scenarios that were intended for the entertainment of white males. The imitation of interracial porn corrupts the sexual and emotional relationship between a black man and a white woman.
When I worship a black cock, I try to experience my desires outside of the gaze of white supremacy and define myself and my cravings of serving a black man on my own terms. The potential of interracial BDSM practices to redefine racial relationships is immense. But this potential must be outside of the hegemonic white discourse, where we can be ourselves and express the true essence of our masculinity and femininity out of the roles embedded in the dominant social conscious.
Labels can be useful. Stereotypes are a double-edged weapon, sometimes you can use them in your own profit. Identity is never “final” and continues to develop through the lifespan. But when people misrepresent themselves or present themselves in out-of-character ways to fit with an audience, their behavior becomes unnatural and exhausting.
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I belivie that every female have need for strong dominant male which care about her. He threat her like princess, butfuck her like fucktoy 
