You had a surgery or you just have pain? I understand that you are a mature lady, but times changed now. Women are now more in control then ever. You don't have to go all the way. But there is really no problem in sucking off young black man's cock, his balls and giving him a good handjob. That way you can even check if its something that makes you feel proud, powerfull and in control but it will, because its the same for all white girls. If the boy you caught wants to breed, you can just explain your situation with your back. Holding back on your fantasies that you can achieve at any moment is depressing, since its completely normal and realistic. Its just how things go these days. It makes us all happy so its not like you are doing something wrong. It became so common that just one wink at the boy you like solves everything. Do you live in a mixed neiborhood? Is there any BBC you like?