It's probably not about your methods as much as it is about your approach. Also, it might be about what you are offering and how you're offering it. There are a lot of "wanna be's" to all this, sadly, by white spouses who like the novel of it all but won't even discuss it with their spouse.
Have you tried adult 'lifestyle' clubs near you? Most welcome couples and if you go on a Hospitality night you can meet members with no obligations. Just look up adult lifestyle clubs in your state, check out their website, and their next membership meeting night.
If you're suggesting you be present or that you are bisexual, that's a major obstacle to get over.