It used to be that my diction and its implementation was better than of most native speakers. Was self-taught (aside from the common ways an Eastern European kid can gulp up western culture before the internet) since the age of 6. English was the only subject I consistently nailed at school. Gave up after 1 year of studying as an interpreter in uni to pursue another occupation / the one I had always wanted. Could even mimic quite a few (mostly American) accents and even had actual Americans believe I'm a fellow citizen.
Wasn't sure what to make of the increasing loss of these 'abilities' throughout my mid-to-late twenties. Simply just called it rusting. Thought it'll get back to normal, once I have completed other studies and practiced to hone other skills.
No one warned me about burning out... about 'gate-closing' syndromes.
Nowadays... even week by week... I feel I'm losing it and that I can never get it back. Stuff I'd say or write with ease now require 30-40-50 mins, using synonym google searches and dictionaries. I completely lost my confidence to choose the right words. Most times I write, I come off as an idiot try-hard who swims in too much internet meme culture. And... what I hate the most. Whenever I speak, I sound like the very people I berated for having the inability to pick up English accents. I just sound like a regular dude from the country I live in.
And this DESPITE that I'm mostly conversing in English (with 'my girl' for several years now), barely using my mom tongue.
Not sure if to solely blame social media and its ADHD-inducing platforms you MUST interact at. I have no option to physically hang out with native speakers. IMO that's so much more important than camcalls and texting. My eyes are too bad to read books, and even glare at pdfs. Too expensive to have them fixed. I'm 37 now. And I feel I am losing it more each day.
How many of you feel the same?
Wasn't sure what to make of the increasing loss of these 'abilities' throughout my mid-to-late twenties. Simply just called it rusting. Thought it'll get back to normal, once I have completed other studies and practiced to hone other skills.
No one warned me about burning out... about 'gate-closing' syndromes.
Nowadays... even week by week... I feel I'm losing it and that I can never get it back. Stuff I'd say or write with ease now require 30-40-50 mins, using synonym google searches and dictionaries. I completely lost my confidence to choose the right words. Most times I write, I come off as an idiot try-hard who swims in too much internet meme culture. And... what I hate the most. Whenever I speak, I sound like the very people I berated for having the inability to pick up English accents. I just sound like a regular dude from the country I live in.
And this DESPITE that I'm mostly conversing in English (with 'my girl' for several years now), barely using my mom tongue.
Not sure if to solely blame social media and its ADHD-inducing platforms you MUST interact at. I have no option to physically hang out with native speakers. IMO that's so much more important than camcalls and texting. My eyes are too bad to read books, and even glare at pdfs. Too expensive to have them fixed. I'm 37 now. And I feel I am losing it more each day.
How many of you feel the same?
Can't even edit/fix it.
’ Alex
