Something my husband always says to people who say they have a fantasy about their wife being with another man is, "Be Careful What You Wish For!"
It can be an emotional roller-coaster for the husband and wife.
I have had a few long term lovers over the years and have never had sex with a stranger. It's nice and safe and comfortable when you take the time to get to know someone, but it also gets very emotional. I don't even get women that say they can have sex with a man with no emotions what-so-ever. You have to have some level of intimacy, when you are sharing the most intimate of acts with someone.
Therefore, when the "relationship" ends, there is a sense of loss and grieving - at some level. A couple of mine were very deep. You have to decide if you are willing to crash and burn, if you are going to step into the pool.
From the male perspective, my husband has shared the challenge to his manhood and all of the mind games he goes through - of what other people or men think of him, because he can't please me sexually. My husband has a small penis and can't get an erection very often, due to medical issues.
I was fine with sex the way it was, then he started sharing porn with me and asking me if I would be interested in being with another man, just for sex. I wasn't, and he didn't talk me into doing this, or convince me with the porn and suggestions of how much fun it might be.
When I was 44 we separated for awhile, due to issues unrelated to sex, and during that time I met a gorgeous 30 year old black man that became my friend and we would hang out and talk for hours on end, with no mention or intention of sex, on my part, anyway.
One day it was just like all of a sudden I was totally attracted to him and started dressing a little better for our casual meetings and coffee time. One day we were talking and he put his hand on my knee while he was saying something funny and my body was suddenly on fire! It didn't take long for us to graduate to kissing, making out and finally a night of sex I will never forget!
Shortly after we became lovers, my husband called and asked if I was ready to come home. I was, but I also told him I had been "dating" a black man and I was enjoying it. I almost fell out of my chair when he said that I could continue to see my "friend" but he wanted me to come home!
To say that introducing your husband of 20+ years to a younger man you have been having sex with, is weird; is a MAJOR understatement! We had never even heard of the "Lifestyle" as people like to call it, but found out my boyfriend Byron was very well versed. After a few drinks Byron looked at Tommi and said, "You wanna' watch your wife suck my dick?" It was one of those moments when all the air leaves the room. I was stunned! I had thought of a hundred ways this would inevitably play out, but that wasn't one of them! My husband looked shocked for a moment then looked at me, and looked at Byron and said, "Yes, that would be awesome!" I had mixed feelings about how easy that had been, but knew he had been fantasizing for year AND he knew we had been having sex.
I won't bore you with the details of that night and several nights following, but we had GREAT sex and it was almost surreal having my boyfriend staying most night at our house and my husband be okay with it.
After a couple of weeks things turned ugly and they turned really ugly, really fast! Byron was an abusive alcoholic and just became obnoxious and unbearable to be around. Was totally turned off, after seeing that behavior and it wasn't long before we had to end the whole thing and ask Byron not to come around, anymore.
I didn't miss him, but we had opened up a door, so to speak.
Again, I won't bore you with all of the stories and this has really gone quite longer than I had planned, but I have had six lovers/boyfriends over the 12 years we have been doing this. All of them have been at least a couple of months and me second BF I was with for over and year and my last BF was with us for right around three years.
I have been through an emotional roller-coaster of falling for guys and finding they had some major flaws and others that were complete gentlemen and we just decided to move on for one reason or another. One that I had a fun friendship with and another that I just fell completely head over heels for, and nearly left my husband.
Deke was the one I was in love with and we had a very intense affair - then that bastard had the audacity to go and get married to some other woman! LOL! Actually, I am very happy for him, and we are still friends, but he moved away and his wife and I like each other, but she doesn't let him talk to me alone.
When our relationship ended, I pouted for a good two months! It was pitiful, but I'm good now.
My husband has been through delight, anger, Joy, Rage, arousal, jealousy, happiness, shame and humiliation.
During one particularly wild, alcohol fueled night of sex with my lover, I watched my husband suck my lover's dick (something he had never done before) and then turn and eat me out, after my lover had cum inside of me (which he had also never done).
After that, he was an emotional wreck. One day he told me that the reason he was so upset about sucking my BFs dick is because he liked it more than he thought he would, and it was a mental wrestling match with his manhood. Then there was the cuckold issue and he felt is was the ultimate blow to his ego to eat me out after my lover had come inside of me.
We shared this in another forum and all the weirdos out there were all "CAGE THE MOTHERFUCKER, HE'S A CUCKOLD SISSY NOW!" Some of these sites are a mess and people just make ******* up and then think everyone needs to follow their standard. All the race traitor, sissy cuckold, pussy-free, diaper wearin, black cock only and other stupid crap people come up with is a mess! I understand there are twisted ones out there, but don't push that junk on everyone else - enjoy your little corner of your own perverted world; by yourself!
Bottom line, there were a lot of fun and memorable days and nights, but both me and my husband are in recovery from this. Our whole family is! We spent years trying to hide things from our children, who had fortunately all gone off to college when we first started, but they've got suspicions they should never have had to entertain.
Now we are concentrating on family. Our children are starting to hit their 30s and we have grandchildren and all of that is most important to us right now.
I still come to peek in the door every once in awhile, but I won't be joining you all on the playground anymore.
So regrets - YES, but we also have some great memories. Cheers! DeeAnna & Tommi
