i got into anal only through one of my bull's. hubby had done it before years ago when i was pregnant. i had mad crazy urges and couldn't get enough anal. but afterwards it didn't feel right and i didn't enjoy it and we never did it. hubby tried of course and I had to tell him off several times for trying to pressure me. i always got nervous when he played his finger back there or licked my bum hole. i could tell he was trying his luck. even though it actually felt quite nice (and i did on a few occasions allow him to stick finger in my ass while we he fucked me) i would always know at the back of my mind that he'd ruin the moment by trying to stick his cock inside me.
it changed, as i say, with one of my bulls. it happened so quickly he caught me totally of guard. there was no tentative fingers dancing around my bumhole, watching to see what my reaction was. there was no asking politely. there was no "your bumhole looks so tight" earnest talk, to gauge whether i'd be interested. literally, one minute he was fucking me, next minute he pulls out and pushes his way into my bum. it hurt like hell and i did fight him a little. but he just held me firm and carried on, like it was going to happen regardless. i couldn't believe how quickly it happened, i think i was just a bit shocked. but it felt good very quickly. it felt *really* good very soon after that.
he made me tell my husband what a dirty whore i am while he pounded my asshole, it was so intense. i actually got kinda angry, with hubby. don't know where it came from but i just felt this defiance and maybe a bit of resentment - for not fucking me the way this other man was fucking me, for allowing me to discover things with another man when it should've been with my husband. i just felt like saying "fuck you, look at me now! look at what you're good wife is letting another man do to her body, look at the dirty whore i've become." i think i even said something along those lines! it was a mixture of anger, frustration, arousal, horniness all rolled into one jumble of emotions that i don't think i was ready to handle. i was so overwhelmed with an urge to be as nasty and slutty as possible with this other man, let him use and abuse me in the most depraved and humiliating ways and make my husband watch me revel in being another man's slut. it all definitely came from a place of defiance. my hubby isn't and has never been a controlling man, but it felt like i was taking control of my body and my sex drive. it was partly a feeling of giving him is just deserts, letting him know that this is what he should've expected when we started down this road. that he wasn't always going to have his way and it was upto me what i let other men do to me.
hubby and i had a few arguments over that. as i expected, he wasn't happy that i let another man take me anally while i always said no to him. it kinda pissed me off even more. big arguments were had.
but we got passed it. for better or for worse. we've had several bumps along the way. it's a difficult and complex thing to invite others into your marriage. lots of things you just take for granted get tested and often you're shocked by the results. hubby's had to deal with that wayy more than me though. i think it's the nature of this sort of thing.
wow, i wasn't expecting this post to be this long. i tend to forget all the complicated and confused emotions that're bubbling away inside me.