This is some of the best advice I've seen on this site. I hate the stupid "how to" threads, and that one of them is pinned in these forums. There is no step-by-step guide for this lifestyle. People are different, and what works for each couple will be different. But there are two things I think are fairly universal:
1. Communication is the only thing that matters. That means being able to openly tell her about your desires. This is your wife we're talking about here. She's your life partner. It's heartbreaking for me to hear about couples who can't talk to each other, because I can't imagine how paralyzing it would feel to have something I can't tell my wife. My wife is the one person I know I can confide in no matter what. It was like this long before we started cuckolding, and is the foundation of our relationship. I've learned all relationships are different and not everyone shares at the level my wife and I do, but cuckoldry definitely adds a level of complication to the relationship. If you do go down this path, you're both going to have feelings you weren't necessarily expecting, and you're going to need to be able to work through them together as a couple. I can't imagine how you'd do that if you're at all shy about talking to your wife about ANYTHING. It's my firm belief that if you can't tell your wife about your fantasies without fear of judgment, THAT'S the first thing to work on. You don't need tips on influencing your wife to cuckold you. In my opinion, you need help getting your relationship to the point where there aren't things the two of you can't talk about together.
2. You can't make your wife like this stuff if she is already averse to it. Being scared about how she'll react is somewhat irrelevant, because if she's not into the idea, it's not going to happen. It won't be because you blew it when you introduced the idea. That said, it is possible for her thoughts to evolve. Maybe she will initially think it's not for her and gradually find more appeal in it as the two of you talk more about it. But you can't trick her into liking it if she doesn't. She'll probably tell you which side of that fence she's on if you open up and talk to her about it.
Everything else is bullshit. Interracial porn may be helpful to some people, but it is not "a very important piece" for everyone. Rarely is my wife in the mood to watch porn at all, so we don't do it together all that often, and the first time I showed her some BBC porn, she said, "ouch! I just feel sorry for that tiny girl." Years later, she found herself salivating over Luke Cage when we watched that show, and she told me she's always found black men attractive. Conversation blossomed from there, not the porn. If your wife ISN'T into black men, I think it's unlikely that any suggestion you make will cause her to be into black men. She may gradually decide it might be a fun idea to entertain, but it seems highly unlikely for a woman to say, "my husband thinks IR porn is hot. I've never been attracted to black men, but now that I know he wants me to, I think I'll try it." It has to at least be intriguing to her, and I think it's unlikely that the way you handle yourself during your small talk after watching an IR porno together is going to be the deciding factor in whether the idea of trying it herself has any appeal to her.
Highlife110, as you acknowledge in your response to the post I'm quoting here, you can't ******* your fantasy on your wife. Recognizing that is a great first step. But you also constructed a difference between your relationship and
KRG's, to rationalize why you can't take his advice. He said "right off the bat" he talked to his wife, and you said you can't because you've been with yours for ten years. That shouldn't matter in the slightest. The things my wife and I do evolve constantly. We talk about things that interest us, we both listen to what the other has to say about it, we talk about ways it might work to experiment with various ideas, and we grow together as a couple as the relationship evolves. We've been together more than 20 years, married for most of those years, and only started cuck play 3 or 4 years ago, so it probably really was at least 10 years in when we first talked about it. It didn't happen all at once, and what our cuckoldry looks like now is nothing like what it looked like when we started. Over the years, I've brought up plenty of things I fantasize about that she wasn't into. So we don't do them. But she doesn't think badly of me for having those fantasies, and the conversations didn't ruin us. When we both know each other's desires, we can find the ones that work for both of us. Having an open relationship worked for us for a time. Some femdom ideas have interested her (she keeps me in chastity, for example). She's into some kink, but she's not usually into hard BDSM, and doesn't like pegging, so we never adopted those things. But because we communicate, she knows those ideas turn me on, so now that she cuckolds me and gets to be with other men, every once in a blue moon she lends me out to dominant women to serve them. She's decided my dick will never be inside another woman, so when she does lens me out to others, I'm caged and can't have regular sex with them. But in addition to having me service them orally, they can peg me or flog me, for instance. It's a way my wife and I found for some of my fantasies to be realized, in a way that works within the cuckold dynamic that we have built together. She never feels pressured to do things she's not into and doesn't make me feel bad about the things that turn me on. As it turns out, it's also made her more curious about some of it, and has influenced the way she plays with me as a Domme, while also giving her ideas about ways she wants to explore her submissive side with her bulls.
Obviously, not everyone's path will be shaped the way ours has. But that's my whole point. I'm not giving you our history so you can glean a set of step-by-step instructions. I'm trying to stress that relationships evolve organically, and talking to your wife is the only first step. There are no workarounds. Anyone who tells you there's a universal instruction manual or guide to this lifestyle is lying to you. Even calling this a "lifestyle" is misleading, because everybody does it completely differently. Some are into chastity, some are repulsed by it. Some guys are into the idea of introducing other men because they're bi or bi-curious, others want no contact with men at all and that's not what any of this is about. Some like to be submissive to their wives full time, others may like it situationally or as one of many types of roleplay. Some aren't submissive at all and want to call the shots regarding who their women will fuck. Some women are size queens, others aren't. Some get off on the power play and will cuck their man with stronger men, while some are turned off by machismo or men they see as overly aggressive. Some like physically involving their husbands while others like to put on a good show. Some just like to go out and get what they want from someone else, and come back to their husbands and their otherwise conventional lives. Some are turned on specifically by being with black men, and some might not care about race or skin color. Some might really like the idea of letting a stranger or someone they just met fuck them, while some might be more comfortable making an FWB out of a coworker. There's no single recipe here. It's just something the two of you will have to navigate together, and that starts with getting your thoughts out in the open and giving her space to process them. It means really listening to her and what she wants, and finding steps you are both sure you want to take together. There can't be pressure, there can't be assumptions, and there can't be secrets. You just need a strong and healthy enough foundation to trust that a conversation about a fantasy won't hurt your relationship. If you're both committed to honesty, protecting each other and your relationship, and listening to everything your partner says, there shouldn't be any reason to worry about how she'll react to what you have to say. Just as she needs to know you're not going to judge her for the parts she enjoys or pressure her to do things she knows she doesn't want, YOU need to know she will love and accept you no matter what you fantasize about, whether she wants to try every one of those fantasies with you or not.
Don't get too caught up in the ingredients (he's gotta be black, he's gotta be big, he's gotta be alpha, you've gotta clean up his cum, you've gotta wear a cage, yadda yadda yadda). There's no right or wrong way to do this. Just start an honest dialog, be open about your feelings, be receptive to hers, and see where things take you. Even if it doesn't look exactly like what you're picturing now, I think it's a kind of relationship worth striving for. It's infinitely more sustainable, will likely open up doors to experiences you may never have gotten to have otherwise, and will almost certainly get the two of you to a place more rewarding than your current situation.