Ezekiel 23 has an intriguing polemic against idolatry. Israel's faithlessness is discussed using the imagery of a woman pouring out her insatiable lusts on men from Babylon, Egypt, etc. In question is Ezk 23:20. Translation committees don't know what to do with it, although the New American Standard translation comes as close as they dare. Already in a loving relationship with a wonderful husband [Yahweh] Israel -- and here it gets interesting -- 'lusted after paramours whose flesh is like the flesh of donkeys and whose issue is like the issue of horses' [Ezk 23:20].
Any good Jewish school boy can tell you the text MEANS -- she lusts after those dark-skinned men of Babylon and Egypt [North Africa] that are hung like donkeys and cum like horses. You won’t find THAT in any translation! Do you know what else you won’t find? You won’t find good Methodist ministers [or any others] preaching Ezekiel 23:20!
Ezekiel’s analogy requires that there actually BE women like that; without them, his polemical argument fails. It’s odd that Biblically literate Christians can’t deny what is obviously in the text; but neither can they dare affirm it! Just imagine the havoc if someone every asked what Eze 23:20 means at Ladies’ Bible study? Or imagine the conversation afterward!
So instead, everything comes out in messages about sinful women who lead godly pastors into sin, the ‘Jezebel’ sermons and more. The irony is, these very ‘sermons’ can have a counterintuitive effect, focusing women’s attention on sexuality. As their sex silently moistens, their minds wander … Egyptian god-men … hung like donkeys … cum like horses …
The preacher waxes eloquently on the moral filth all around us. The donkey-like penises are still there … forsing its way inside your mind … demanding your attention, moving inside there, making you think and think and think and think and think and think. It’s a sultry, hot day. The oft-repeated mantras are tiring, predictable and trite. The sermon moves toward a crescendo; the desk-pounding begins. Every syllable takes a staccato … ‘keep[BANG] your[BANG] vows [BANG]! Never[BANG] mind[BANG] your[BANG] friends’[BANG] better[BANG] look[BANG]ing[BANG] man[BANG]…’
The voice becomes more remote. No longer moistening, your sex is a font of molten lava. Except for ‘FILTH, CORRUPT,’ and ‘SINFUL,’ the voice is gone. The huge, donkey penises are still there. And all you hear is, BANG … BANG … BANG!
Suddenly, everything stops. The banging stops. The mantra stops. The preacher points to woman after woman after woman. ‘You and you and you and you – and then stops at you… Snapped back to realty, you look up. The instant your eyes lock on his, he says, ‘need your lusts washed away!’ As he glares, your mind resets. The penises give a mighty throb. Huge, orange-sized testicles rise in their scrotum. It begins. With the rhythmic BANG ... BANG ... BANG still ringing in your ears ... the penises spray and spray and spray and spray and spray and spray and spray – all the world like wild horses. Then you try to stand for the last hymn.
Ezekiel 23:20? Some people follow the sermon. Others live it.
