"Moral" Question

[jeff & christy]

We usually find this site of limited usefulness, but I hope this is an exception.

Recently, we were informed that a friend of ours - they were both friends actually - had lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly. They had been active in the lifestyle almost as long as we have been, and longer than we had even known them. He had passed away after a severe, but fast-acting illness.

We attended the funeral and the wake afterwards at their home. We were shocked to see one of Leslie's lovers at the funeral and the wake as well. It seemed awkward to us, because we knew both of them and the circumstances of their relationship. But, it was also to some degree, painfully obvious to others - including family, vanilla friends and their grown children.

We stayed late in an effort to run interference and provide whatever cover we could until Chad left, but it got very late and he simply did not leave. Finally, it was down to just us, and we were tired. We went to the kitchen to say good night, and Leslie and Chad were in a hot and heavy embrace with his hand up her skirt. He was clear he was simply not leaving. We said our awkward goodbyes and made our exit.

I have gotten over it, but Jeff, my husband, is still quite bothered by it.

Any thoughts? Opinions? For lack of a better word, "judgements"?

 

[michael87]

We usually find this site of limited usefulness, but I hope this is an exception.

Recently, we were informed that a friend of ours - they were both friends actually - had lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly. They had been active in the lifestyle almost as long as we have been, and longer than we had even known them. He had passed away after a severe, but fast-acting illness.

We attended the funeral and the wake afterwards at their home. We were shocked to see one of Leslie's lovers at the funeral and the wake as well. It seemed awkward to us, because we knew both of them and the circumstances of their relationship. But, it was also to some degree, painfully obvious to others - including family, vanilla friends and their grown children.

We stayed late in an effort to run interference and provide whatever cover we could until Chad left, but it got very late and he simply did not leave. Finally, it was down to just us, and we were tired. We went to the kitchen to say good night, and Leslie and Chad were in a hot and heavy embrace with his hand up her skirt. He was clear he was simply not leaving. We said our awkward goodbyes and made our exit.

I have gotten over it, but Jeff, my husband, is still quite bothered by it.

Any thoughts? Opinions? For lack of a better word, "judgements"?

Just this: The sexual behaviour of your recently bereaved lady-friend towards Chad may at first glance seem a little wanton at this time but it is not reprehensible and is no business of yours or your husband. She may well be seeking much-needed succour and comfort in his arms in sex with him, and there is no harm at all in that.

Plus, her husband’s past and presumably enjoyable involvement in “the lifestyle” makes it reasonably likely that he would have approved of his widow having rather more than comfort-sex with Chad at any time of her choosing.

 

[Chuchipower]

Class and moraless of both if not everybody close knew about it

 

[artgirl]

Ouch, very bad behavior. You know there were friends and family there that did not know the secrets in that mans life. A funeral is not the place to out the personal preferences of the dead. It certainly is not the place to grope any one if others are present to view.

 

[sm1982]

Ouch, very bad behavior. You know there were friends and family there that did not know the secrets in that mans life. A funeral is not the place to out the personal preferences of the dead. It certainly is not the place to grope any one if others are present to view.

This story might just be a bit fake. It is right out of that movie Death at a Funeral.

 

[funcouple52661]

Reprehensible

 

[Mr_Morecock]

Definitely a classless move from the lover, he’s taking advantage of an obviously vulnerable woman. However death is so final and everyone is entitled to grieve in whichever manner they find the most comfort.
My philosophy…if you like it, I love it for you

 

[Gokurocks]

Wrong time wrong place

 

[bigwilly6969]

Maybe things were discussed or was a little more advanced than what you knew. Having looked at many TV shows (dark side coming out) how many show wife, lover or husband does away with one of the other for insurance money, or just to get rid of them and the other one immediately either at funeral or some other function takes up with them. It could also be that he had a strong influence over her and she was very subjective to him and what he said goes. In my book poor judgement was shown on both parties, what is ya'lls relationship with the wife like now? Only answer if you care to.

 

[jeff & christy]

Maybe things were discussed or was a little more advanced than what you knew. Having looked at many TV shows (dark side coming out) how many show wife, lover or husband does away with one of the other for insurance money, or just to get rid of them and the other one immediately either at funeral or some other function takes up with them. It could also be that he had a strong influence over her and she was very subjective to him and what he said goes. In my book poor judgement was shown on both parties, what is ya'lls relationship with the wife like now? Only answer if you care to.

We pretended not to notice. We certainly haven't commented. In our situation, we have to be respectful of others regardless.

 

[waynerobertson]

A lack of class. They could have waited or better yet NOT go to the funeral or the house later. The widow doesn't have any class at all.She should have known better.

 

[ayamaharider]

We usually find this site of limited usefulness, but I hope this is an exception.

Recently, we were informed that a friend of ours - they were both friends actually - had lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly. They had been active in the lifestyle almost as long as we have been, and longer than we had even known them. He had passed away after a severe, but fast-acting illness.

We attended the funeral and the wake afterwards at their home. We were shocked to see one of Leslie's lovers at the funeral and the wake as well. It seemed awkward to us, because we knew both of them and the circumstances of their relationship. But, it was also to some degree, painfully obvious to others - including family, vanilla friends and their grown children.

We stayed late in an effort to run interference and provide whatever cover we could until Chad left, but it got very late and he simply did not leave. Finally, it was down to just us, and we were tired. We went to the kitchen to say good night, and Leslie and Chad were in a hot and heavy embrace with his hand up her skirt. He was clear he was simply not leaving. We said our awkward goodbyes and made our exit.

I have gotten over it, but Jeff, my husband, is still quite bothered by it.

Any thoughts? Opinions? For lack of a better word, "judgements"?

I am not passing judgement, i am not qualified to do that, but providing of what you told me is accurate I would say it is 100% wrong. I would describe it by simply saying the following. Assuming that your friend and her husband went to someone else's funeral, pretend her husband did not die. Is funeral the right place to be hiding in the kitchen and making out? Lets face it, there is a place and time for everything in life. Lets ask us corporate folks (some of us here the following) can you go to your office and drop down your panties and or clothes and start walking naked around the office? you will be escorted outside the premises. I know my analogy may not be the best but point being place and time for everything. I have read lots of stories, fantasies you name it in forums like this one, but this by far is the most bothersome thing I have read. Once again I am simply expressing an opinion here.

 

[jeff & christy]

I am not passing judgement, i am not qualified to do that, but providing of what you told me is accurate I would say it is 100% wrong. I would describe it by simply saying the following. Assuming that your friend and her husband went to someone else's funeral, pretend her husband did not die. Is funeral the right place to be hiding in the kitchen and making out? Lets face it, there is a place and time for everything in life. Lets ask us corporate folks (some of us here the following) can you go to your office and drop down your panties and or clothes and start walking naked around the office? you will be escorted outside the premises. I know my analogy may not be the best but point being place and time for everything. I have read lots of stories, fantasies you name it in forums like this one, but this by far is the most bothersome thing I have read. Once again I am simply expressing an opinion here.

We have been in the lifestyle over 15 years and even we were shocked by it.

As for fake, whatever. There are a myriad of reasons why people don't share more of their experiences on this site and others.

 

[BiSubCuck]

I can imagine how uncomfortable this made you and possibly others feel. But, i can also imagine that the deceased husband had already had a conversation about this. And if i were him, id want my girl to be celebrating my life in the naughtiest way possible and my funeral to be equal ampunts of sorrowful tears and tears of sexual bliss.
The only thing is the other guests. What knowledge they once had, and suspsicions they now have of the widow and this Black man.

Ultimately, it is nobody's business. Live and llet live Id say.

 

[paolacpl]

We usually find this site of limited usefulness, but I hope this is an exception.

Recently, we were informed that a friend of ours - they were both friends actually - had lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly. They had been active in the lifestyle almost as long as we have been, and longer than we had even known them. He had passed away after a severe, but fast-acting illness.

We attended the funeral and the wake afterwards at their home. We were shocked to see one of Leslie's lovers at the funeral and the wake as well. It seemed awkward to us, because we knew both of them and the circumstances of their relationship. But, it was also to some degree, painfully obvious to others - including family, vanilla friends and their grown children.

We stayed late in an effort to run interference and provide whatever cover we could until Chad left, but it got very late and he simply did not leave. Finally, it was down to just us, and we were tired. We went to the kitchen to say good night, and Leslie and Chad were in a hot and heavy embrace with his hand up her skirt. He was clear he was simply not leaving. We said our awkward goodbyes and made our exit.

I have gotten over it, but Jeff, my husband, is still quite bothered by it.

Any thoughts? Opinions? For lack of a better word, "judgements"?

My first and simple thought is: the reactions after a lost are very personal so nobody can judge them, probably her husband would have been happy for her meeting him, so she was right to do so!

 

[paolacpl]

We usually find this site of limited usefulness, but I hope this is an exception.

Recently, we were informed that a friend of ours - they were both friends actually - had lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly. They had been active in the lifestyle almost as long as we have been, and longer than we had even known them. He had passed away after a severe, but fast-acting illness.

We attended the funeral and the wake afterwards at their home. We were shocked to see one of Leslie's lovers at the funeral and the wake as well. It seemed awkward to us, because we knew both of them and the circumstances of their relationship. But, it was also to some degree, painfully obvious to others - including family, vanilla friends and their grown children.

We stayed late in an effort to run interference and provide whatever cover we could until Chad left, but it got very late and he simply did not leave. Finally, it was down to just us, and we were tired. We went to the kitchen to say good night, and Leslie and Chad were in a hot and heavy embrace with his hand up her skirt. He was clear he was simply not leaving. We said our awkward goodbyes and made our exit.

I have gotten over it, but Jeff, my husband, is still quite bothered by it.

Any thoughts? Opinions? For lack of a better word, "judgements"?

My first and simple thought is: the reactions after a lost are very personal so nobody can judge them, probably her husband would have been happy for her meeting him, so she was right to do so!

I'm honest, if I had been in her husband's place, I would have been happy, maybe I would have told him before I died, it would have been the last happy thought

 

[erika9009]

A gentleman, the type of guy I like, would have known his place in this situation and stayed away.

 

[paolacpl]

I'm honest, if I had been in her husband's place, I would have been happy, maybe I would have told him before I died, it would have been the last happy thought

Instead seems to me completely out of place the laughter of @funcouple52661 (maybe it's to respect their nickname)

 

[hervey allen]

there's enough things to worry about in the world, both personal & societal, to spend time judging others. clearly, your set of ethics are different from your friends. clearly, they could care less about your judgemental reaction & probably didn't spend a second judging how you behaved. different strokes for different folks. in the words of the immortal anton chigurh: " i wouldn't worry about it."

 

[MacNfries]

Well, we don't know the relationship Chad had with Leslie's husband; maybe they were very good friends. So, if he made an appearance to show his respect, he maybe should have expressed his remorse, signed the guest book, and left shortly after.

No doubt the kitchen scene was inexcusable & Leslie should feel she owes the two of you an apology of some kind. Maybe you could drop her a note regarding her husband's death and an added apology for barging in on them. Maybe that will give Leslie a chance and encouragement to explain.

It's hard to judge not knowing the relationship the 3 had together. Maybe she was leaning on him for support at the exact moment you walked in. I would have been disturbed myself, so I see your husband's point of view.