I never read the book nor watched the movie. In terms of plot/character development is it good? And how does it depict the BDSM scene?
Is 50 Shades of Gray overrated?
- Thread starter ConanBriggs
- Start date
Oh man, buckle up because I have a mountain of feelings on this subject..
Fifty shades is a completely irresponsible and completely inaccurate depiction of a healthy and consensual bdsm relationship (or a vanilla one for that matter).
The only reason it's so popular is because it's provocative to people who don't know anything about kink, plus it's written in such a way that even a small baby can follow the weak plot. There is shallow character development at best, little to no story arc, the whole thing is a mess, purely from a literary standpoint. I've read BuzzFeed articles with more literary merit.
From a kink standpoint, it is flat out dangerous. It depicts a relationship in which a naive, meek and sheltered woman (she was in university in the first book, set in modern day and she had never had a fucking email address) is preyed upon by an older abuser who basically sees an easy target. It's presented as sexy because he's wealthy and handsome, it wouldn't be so successful if he was some random guy with a dad bod who worked at Walmart.
From the minute these two one dimensional, drab characters meet, he's gaslighting her. Telling her it's her fault he can't stay away, tracing her phone when she's out with friends, showing up uninvited, sending lavish and inappropriate gifts, taking control of her medical care. At one point in the first book he flat out rapes her. He comes to her house (again uninvited), she tells him very clearly "NO" and he proceedes to have sex with her against her wishes.
Moving on to him forsing his kink on her.. the ridiculous contract in which he tries to stop her from negotiating out things she doesn't consent to. Biggest red flag of red flags - he's actively discouraging scene negotiations. Really, she doesn't like any of it but she's willing to compromise because he's gaslit her into thinking she needs him. Puke.
Or how about when they're in that ridiculous "red room of pain" (give me a fucking break) and he, once again, ignores her telling him very clearly "NO" and proceeds with impact play and tells her she doesn't get to say no because she's being punished. In a consensual and healthy power exchange dynamic, if that's what both people have agreed on, there's not a thing wrong with it.
But when you bully someone into playing by your rules and gaslight them into thinking they need you, that's not a situation where that person is able to give consent. ******* consent is not consent.
Not to mention the fact that the entire series is framed with Anastasia trying to "cure" Christian of his "perversions" these are supposedly the result of a traumatic childhood. So by the logic used by the author, kink is a symptom of abuse that needs to be cured. I mean in his case, the cure would be jail. But for two consenting adults in a healthy dynamic, there's no need for a fucking cure. There's nothing wrong with kink when it's risk aware and consensual. Kink shouldn't be something you need to give up, it's not a vice.
You'll have to forgive me if some details are a bit muddled, I read the first book when it first came out before promptly throwing it in the trash.
TLDR; Fifty shades is a horrible franchise that promotes abuse, gives kink a bad name and is written by someone who cle arly hates books.
Fifty shades is a completely irresponsible and completely inaccurate depiction of a healthy and consensual bdsm relationship (or a vanilla one for that matter).
The only reason it's so popular is because it's provocative to people who don't know anything about kink, plus it's written in such a way that even a small baby can follow the weak plot. There is shallow character development at best, little to no story arc, the whole thing is a mess, purely from a literary standpoint. I've read BuzzFeed articles with more literary merit.
From a kink standpoint, it is flat out dangerous. It depicts a relationship in which a naive, meek and sheltered woman (she was in university in the first book, set in modern day and she had never had a fucking email address) is preyed upon by an older abuser who basically sees an easy target. It's presented as sexy because he's wealthy and handsome, it wouldn't be so successful if he was some random guy with a dad bod who worked at Walmart.
From the minute these two one dimensional, drab characters meet, he's gaslighting her. Telling her it's her fault he can't stay away, tracing her phone when she's out with friends, showing up uninvited, sending lavish and inappropriate gifts, taking control of her medical care. At one point in the first book he flat out rapes her. He comes to her house (again uninvited), she tells him very clearly "NO" and he proceedes to have sex with her against her wishes.
Moving on to him forsing his kink on her.. the ridiculous contract in which he tries to stop her from negotiating out things she doesn't consent to. Biggest red flag of red flags - he's actively discouraging scene negotiations. Really, she doesn't like any of it but she's willing to compromise because he's gaslit her into thinking she needs him. Puke.
Or how about when they're in that ridiculous "red room of pain" (give me a fucking break) and he, once again, ignores her telling him very clearly "NO" and proceeds with impact play and tells her she doesn't get to say no because she's being punished. In a consensual and healthy power exchange dynamic, if that's what both people have agreed on, there's not a thing wrong with it.
But when you bully someone into playing by your rules and gaslight them into thinking they need you, that's not a situation where that person is able to give consent. ******* consent is not consent.
Not to mention the fact that the entire series is framed with Anastasia trying to "cure" Christian of his "perversions" these are supposedly the result of a traumatic childhood. So by the logic used by the author, kink is a symptom of abuse that needs to be cured. I mean in his case, the cure would be jail. But for two consenting adults in a healthy dynamic, there's no need for a fucking cure. There's nothing wrong with kink when it's risk aware and consensual. Kink shouldn't be something you need to give up, it's not a vice.
You'll have to forgive me if some details are a bit muddled, I read the first book when it first came out before promptly throwing it in the trash.
TLDR; Fifty shades is a horrible franchise that promotes abuse, gives kink a bad name and is written by someone who cle arly hates books.
Judi J
Female
The books are ill-conceived and poorly written. I read the first third of 'Fifty Shades' then thought that life was too short to carry on reading such drivel. Why the series gained the status it did is totally beyond me ….. or am I just jealous that I didn't sit down and scribble literary rubbish that made me a millionaire ??!!
Shamhat
Female
The relationship the author describes in 50 Shadows of Grey is not D/s but emotional abuse. Anastasia Steele does not enter into a BDSM relationship as a way to express her submissive nature. She is in love with Christian Gray, or fascinated by his wealth and physical attractiveness, and the only way she finds to have a relationship with him is by accepting those sadomasochistic practices. On the other hand, Gray is not a dominant, but a jealous, controlling and pathologically insecure guy, namely psychiatrist meat. Actually, that dynamic is typical domestic abuse... a man who only conceives a relationship with a woman if she is totally subjected to his will and a woman believing that her love will make him change. The paradigm of "the conversion of the enemy", like The Beauty and the Beast. E. L. James admitted she has no actual experience in BDSM. Noticeable. From a literary point of view is rubbish.
Shamhat
Female
There is a great controversy among the authors of erotica and romance because in a great number of recent novels the male protagonist rapes the female protagonist and eventually she falls in love with him. This is a misuse of ******* fantasies that is sadly widespread among self-published novels on Amazon. If you take a look at the ranking of the ten most popular erotic novels, written by and for women, in maybe six of them the male protagonist has a diagnosable psychiatric problem. In others like C.J. Roberts' Captive in the Dark, he actually ******* the girl to train her to be a sex slave. But of course all these novel have a hopeful happy ending in which they fall in love, marry and live happily ever after...
I have read that some women attribute this to a demographic of inexperienced women and, or internalized misogyny
Inexperienced as in being impressionable or never researching/participating in kink
Its not realistic but they a good love story more than anything and easy reads. (I did read every book in the series.) It was recommended by a friend who it rocked her world. I myself was not impressed but my husband and I have been together since we were in our teens and have always had an experimental sexual life so it has never gotten dull between us and there was nothing in it we hadn't at some point tried. I think so many women were so enamored with the series because they have never had fulfilling sexual relationships, whether they don't/can't orgasm or have only ever had scheduled missionary sex. Something so out of the norm and pushing the boundries of what most people even realize sexual fulfillment can be is bond to make even the most boring person horney.
Did your friend never experienced actual healthy sexual fulfillment? It seems out of consensus people that are against kink and experienced people in kink lifestyles usually say the book is stupid.
Most romance novels are pretty much the same and most of the soft porn is similar because it aims at a certain market. If fifty shades of Grey was written about real bdsm or cuckolding then it would not sell. Few women are interested in being dominated or even cucking their man. Cuckolding is so taboo that it is difficult to find serious research about it. would think that at least one famous feminist would have a stable of men who she displayed in public
Shamhat
Female
Romance and erotica establish role models for what a heterosexual relationship is like. You cannot eroticize psychopathic mindsets and domestic abuse to normalize such aberrant behaviors. As it has been pointed out, one of the basic principles of BDSM is "safe and consensual", and in that novel the protagonist ignores the no's on more than one occasion. Many young women interpret the jealousy and controlling behaviors of their partners as love and this story usually has a sad end. These are major social issue and this novel fuels them.
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I pretty much agree but i also do not think that most porn sends a good message and neither does using sex to sell product. Many of the bodice rippers revolve around a strong man taking a woman. I think we should all decide what we want in a relationship and sex but to be honest sometimes we only find out late in life. I have friends who are into bdsm and they tell me is is pretty much controlled. I was married a long time before i realized that i am submissive to some women or at least I will let them dominate me and not just sexually
Yes!
Also it's trash.
Do not read or watch it. Forget you ever heard of it.
Also it's trash.
Do not read or watch it. Forget you ever heard of it.
It is a joke if you are experienced and if it is your first adventure you think you discovered a new flavor of ice cream. It was a catalyst for the vanilla world and desecration if you are experienced. Like anything new, there are the positive and not so great sides. The person who invented spray paint thought they were doing the world a favor, LOL A graffiti artist loves the invention.
Shamhat
Female
Pornography and eroticism are based on fantasies... incredibly beautiful girls, incredibly well-endowed men, sexual stunts, endless sex sessions. A hardcore realism is boring. But I think you can remove all those freak behaviors of 50 Shadows and the novel would have sold the same.
Not all porn or eroticism are based on fantasy but most is, my wife had the books given to her and she never opened the wrappings. When i was young we had books like the happy ****** and the zipless fuck and a long list of other topics. We may not like a book but if it sells then the producer is happy. We are not just prudish about sex but hypocritical it was Hollander was so successful with her tours and books and woe to the young man who asked a question. I bet a lot of boys masturbated to the sears catalogue.
Very eloquently stated argument about the book! Your criticisms make a lot of sense to me, and your arguments are clear and well-explained.
I sometimes wonder if these pieces of media are designed to polarize and stimulate these discussions. We assume Anastasia was designed as a pure hero, so her desire to "cure" the kink is somehow morally righteous. But, I think there might be something deeper at play. Often characters who appear as protagonists embrace a position that is offensive or incorrect, and that embracing of the anti-ideal is a way of provoking controversy. I'm not saying the author had that goal.... I'm just saying that the fictional character's embodiment of that goal may have been an intentional character flaw that leads her further into destruction.
Shamhat
Female
50 Shades of Gray started out as a sadomasochistic fan fiction of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series published in a website. It became so popular that E. L. James received an offer from a publishing company. The text has even spelling mistakes. Do not overthink about this book, there are no hidden intentions. The characters are a medley of cliches. Anastasia Steele is a virgin 21-year-old girl who has never written an email in her life.
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