Hi everyone. She is doing much better with it. The 4 steps we took:
1. Talk. Let her talk about her feelings and I just listened. She has to get the feelings out.
2. Time. Take your time. Don't expect this to change in a week, month, etc. Pushing from the husband will only make it worse.
3. Test. After talk and time have helped, then test it a bit. Bring it back into role playing. Use the dildo again and get her excited about the scenarios. If she has a positive response then you can talk again and see how she fees about trying it again.
4. If she feels she wants to try it again, reach back out to a trusted partner she played with in the past. Do not go for a new partner. She has to have a safe and very good experience.
We have followed all 4 steps and she recently played with an old partner (twice now) and still has some mixed feelings, but we talk about them. Communication is the key.