Understandably, most people are worried about their health, their family's well-being, and staying safe amid the pandemic.
The other side effects — noticing the damage to our personal relationships or social lives-might be ignored.
The ability to meet new people the old-fashioned way: at coffee shops, a friend's wedding, a concert, or at bars has been stripped away due to COVID-19 restrictions and lockdowns. It left many of us lonely and seeking human companionship.
Extensive research has shown that human beings are inherently social creatures — we crave connection and friendships with other humans. So it comes as no surprise that people may be suffering in silence right now.
Regardless of one's relationship status, when we experience long periods of loneliness, it undermines our physical and mental health, even for those who prefer to be alone. It is not just our close relationships that have been impacted but our day-to-day relationships as well.
When you throw in the twist that I'm a married cuckoldress seeking a long-term black lover but not interested in just "hooking up," this is a minefield of complication.
It is also amusing to me how many people will accuse me of "fetishizing" black men. I let them carp on, but my first love was black, and I have dated interracially all my life.
I have also built a six-figure business, went broke then created a second successful business. Along the way, I published a best-selling book. I only add this to emphasize how few fucks I give to anyone who disapproves of my personal preference for handsome black men. I am well past the age that I give any weight at all to other's opinions of my personal choices. But I digress…
Pre pandemic, most of us relied on connecting online; it seemed simple, easy, and efficient. The usual way to meet people like coffee shops and music venues, and bookstores evaporated as we stayed in our homes.
My thought was, "now that everyone is stuck at home… a GREAT time to meet someone online". My previous experience held great promise. Although
I'm not a candidate for traditional dating sites like match.com or eHarmony… A few cater to those of us who are consensually non-monogamous and who have more exotic desires. In my case, I want a black lover. My ad seemed to inspire hope: "Attractive Cuckoldress Seeks Refined Black Gentleman for Long Term Connection."
My optimism grew steadily as I got dozens of responses…so surely this would not be too hard, right?
WRONG. All ages and types of men responded, including white guys. (does this prove men don't read ads but just look at pictures?) Good conversations started, photos exchanged, and plans to meet to get acquainted ensued. They enthusiastically assured me we were exactly what they had been looking and hoping for. And just as fast as they responded, after one or two emails…they disappear.
I no longer try to understand WHY men do this. But vast numbers of them do. I don't take it personally, as I have many friends who have shared the same experience. It's no longer interesting to speculate why someone feigns interest only to ghost a day later.
I am self-aware enough to realize that online attempts at finding a particular kind of partner was making me cynical and pessimistic. That is not a good place to attract someone who may be perfect.
So I'm out of the online/email/text versions of the 21st Century meet and greet. What now?
We just reverted to the old-fashioned way: getting involved in our community and mingling. Art shows, jazz festivals, live music events, and cultural events of all types. More work? Sure! More satisfying? Absolutely!
If I do not meet someone, I would like to get to know them better. We just enjoy the event. What an old-fashioned idea!
Another thing that was surprising to me in dealing with my own loneliness and isolation is a small group I met on Twitter. We were bound by our mutual disdain of Trump and anything GOP but found we had lots more in common. We started a Friday afternoon Happy Hour. I would credit these intelligent, informed, funny, delightful people with saving what little sanity I had left. It proves solid connections that can be made online…but not on dating sites for me. We shared common interests, and I appreciate them so much. We are all planning a rendezvous in Chicago in August, and I can't wait.
Here is what I know: we ALL need more relationships. I do not need a fuck boy or a hook-up. I love intelligent, articulate people of all kinds. If I never find "Mr. Right" for our third, I will undoubtedly foster the relationships I do have and look for more of them.
Covid has changed our world in many ways, and some of those ways will never be the same. So it's our task to know what we really want and need and put effort into fostering that.
I value my human relationships more than I ever realized. I do not need thoughtless, fake people who use and discard or just want to crawl inside my pants once then "swipe right" again. No thanks. I know what I want, and I will wait for THAT.
The other side effects — noticing the damage to our personal relationships or social lives-might be ignored.
The ability to meet new people the old-fashioned way: at coffee shops, a friend's wedding, a concert, or at bars has been stripped away due to COVID-19 restrictions and lockdowns. It left many of us lonely and seeking human companionship.
Extensive research has shown that human beings are inherently social creatures — we crave connection and friendships with other humans. So it comes as no surprise that people may be suffering in silence right now.
Regardless of one's relationship status, when we experience long periods of loneliness, it undermines our physical and mental health, even for those who prefer to be alone. It is not just our close relationships that have been impacted but our day-to-day relationships as well.
When you throw in the twist that I'm a married cuckoldress seeking a long-term black lover but not interested in just "hooking up," this is a minefield of complication.
It is also amusing to me how many people will accuse me of "fetishizing" black men. I let them carp on, but my first love was black, and I have dated interracially all my life.
I have also built a six-figure business, went broke then created a second successful business. Along the way, I published a best-selling book. I only add this to emphasize how few fucks I give to anyone who disapproves of my personal preference for handsome black men. I am well past the age that I give any weight at all to other's opinions of my personal choices. But I digress…
Pre pandemic, most of us relied on connecting online; it seemed simple, easy, and efficient. The usual way to meet people like coffee shops and music venues, and bookstores evaporated as we stayed in our homes.
My thought was, "now that everyone is stuck at home… a GREAT time to meet someone online". My previous experience held great promise. Although
I'm not a candidate for traditional dating sites like match.com or eHarmony… A few cater to those of us who are consensually non-monogamous and who have more exotic desires. In my case, I want a black lover. My ad seemed to inspire hope: "Attractive Cuckoldress Seeks Refined Black Gentleman for Long Term Connection."
My optimism grew steadily as I got dozens of responses…so surely this would not be too hard, right?
WRONG. All ages and types of men responded, including white guys. (does this prove men don't read ads but just look at pictures?) Good conversations started, photos exchanged, and plans to meet to get acquainted ensued. They enthusiastically assured me we were exactly what they had been looking and hoping for. And just as fast as they responded, after one or two emails…they disappear.
I no longer try to understand WHY men do this. But vast numbers of them do. I don't take it personally, as I have many friends who have shared the same experience. It's no longer interesting to speculate why someone feigns interest only to ghost a day later.
I am self-aware enough to realize that online attempts at finding a particular kind of partner was making me cynical and pessimistic. That is not a good place to attract someone who may be perfect.
So I'm out of the online/email/text versions of the 21st Century meet and greet. What now?
We just reverted to the old-fashioned way: getting involved in our community and mingling. Art shows, jazz festivals, live music events, and cultural events of all types. More work? Sure! More satisfying? Absolutely!
If I do not meet someone, I would like to get to know them better. We just enjoy the event. What an old-fashioned idea!
Another thing that was surprising to me in dealing with my own loneliness and isolation is a small group I met on Twitter. We were bound by our mutual disdain of Trump and anything GOP but found we had lots more in common. We started a Friday afternoon Happy Hour. I would credit these intelligent, informed, funny, delightful people with saving what little sanity I had left. It proves solid connections that can be made online…but not on dating sites for me. We shared common interests, and I appreciate them so much. We are all planning a rendezvous in Chicago in August, and I can't wait.
Here is what I know: we ALL need more relationships. I do not need a fuck boy or a hook-up. I love intelligent, articulate people of all kinds. If I never find "Mr. Right" for our third, I will undoubtedly foster the relationships I do have and look for more of them.
Covid has changed our world in many ways, and some of those ways will never be the same. So it's our task to know what we really want and need and put effort into fostering that.
I value my human relationships more than I ever realized. I do not need thoughtless, fake people who use and discard or just want to crawl inside my pants once then "swipe right" again. No thanks. I know what I want, and I will wait for THAT.
