Suprfreak, I'm not sure the 2 of you need a man to "totally take over" as you say. That implies, to me, that the 2 of you no longer maintain control of what goes on, and personally, I would never desire that to happen. Words like "seduces" & "cucks" are words that obviously imply just that. Yes, I want my wife sexually satisfied to the ultimate, BUT, I would not wish to relinquish my rights/bond/relationship with her. If you haven't met the right man yet ... you should keep searching, but outside lovers should never be given control or even a major influence to your relationship with your wife.
If its your desire to feed off the rollercoaster of emotions you experience, that's one thing, as long and everyone is happy. My wife & I occasionally swing with other men & women, but neither of us EVER go out on dates or meet our lovers alone ... she & I come as a pair. I'd like to be given a dollar for the times men have wanted to meet with my wife alone ... lol. But she & I have rules ... If its her we want to see sexually satisfied, I'm there helping & usually participating. And if its me that's being sexually satisfied, she does the same for me ... to make sure the sexual experience is something we can't obtain as a couple.
This lifestyle can really test the mettle of a marriage ... so its important to communicate & be sensitive to each other's concerns & feelings when doing this. If it becomes too much for you, then she should understand. Hope you can work through your emotions ... but, THAT'S part of the excitement, actually. Mac