New to this. How do I deal with jealousy?

N

nickalbers2012

Male
Hi everyone. I am a 25 year old male married to my wife for almost 4 years. We decided to get into swinging about 2 years ago, and as I figure usually happens, she is the one that ends up easily getting other guys. I have only been with one other girl since we started and it didnt last. Well, long story short, she has a boyfriend now and she has discussed cuckolding. She heard about it through him. She has been with him for about 5 months and she has already said she doesnt want me seeing other girls. Not that I've had much luck anyway. She has already put a chastity device on me. It's been on about a month. She says she loves me and wants to be with me but the thought of this excites her. I can't help the feelings of jealousy now that its gone beyond just swinging. After reading this and other websites, I am worried about where this will lead. How does everyone deal with this?
 
If jealousy is an issue for you, you need to sit down with your wife right now and have a frank discussion about what both of you want out of this relationship. Once you are cucked this guy is no longer her boyfriend, he is her bull. And once that starts it opens the doors for all kinds of other scenarios (e.g., him sharing her with his friends, etc.). Cuckoldry can be very complex and if you both go into it without a clear and complete understanding of what each of you wants it is going to end in disaster.

A good friend of mine *was* a bull. I say was because he got out of the lifestyle because of how messed up some of the relationships were between the wives and their cucks.

If you have any doubts and reservations, speak up now. And by all means listen to her! You guys need to find some common ground or this is going to blow up in your face.
 
MalevolentVisions said:
If jealousy is an issue for you, you need to sit down with your wife right now and have a frank discussion about what both of you want out of this relationship. ...

Cuckoldry can be very complex and if you both go into it without a clear and complete understanding of what each of you wants it is going to end in disaster.

If you have any doubts and reservations, speak up now. And by all means listen to her! You guys need to find some common ground or this is going to blow up in your face.
Click to expand...

MalevolentVisions makes very good points above.

While some cuckolding relationships can be good, loving ones, others can be incredibly painful disasters.
The only ones that work well are the ones in which there is ongoing open communication and a sincere desire on the part of each for what is in the best interest of the other.
If you don't have that going in and maintain it, you are in for trouble.

Been through both types and can say that if you don't or can't work all the issues out now, you would be better off moving on and finding another lady.
 
nickalbers2012 said:
.... We decided to get into swinging about 2 years ago, and as I figure usually happens, she is the one that ends up easily getting other guys. I have only been with one other girl since we started and it didnt last. ..... she has a boyfriend now and she has discussed cuckolding. She heard about it through him. ...... She has already put a chastity device on me...... the thought of this excites her. I can't help the feelings of jealousy now that its gone beyond just swinging ..... I am worried about where this will lead. How does everyone deal with this?
Click to expand...

wow, first 2 responses, and they are sincere ones, too. Good posts, willsrvu & MalevolentVisions. Things are starting to look encouraging in the Advice Corner. :) No use repeating what's been said, but I'll add a few thoughts.

nickalbers, one of the primary purposes of the cuckold fantasy is to experience the emotional rollercoaster. Some people handle these emotions differently than others ... as sexual stimulants. What you are going through isn't unusal, and it appears you don't handle jealousy so well (one of the prime emotions that leap out during this fantasy), as it puts stress on your relationship. Cuckolding tends to do just that since one partner is sexually active with others, while the other partner remains monogomous & sometimes even denied sex with his partner. Very, very stressful ...

Swinging is the more sensible approach to spicing up a marital, sexual relationship (3-somes & couple swaps), because the 2 of you, as a couple, maintain control of the situation. Suddenly, along comes another individual and, through coercison, changes the rules ... now HE is in control of the situation. I can assure you if the situation was reversed ... it was you and another female and she was doing your wife this way, your wife would be raising all kinds of problems. So, your wife (as your soul mate) must understand/honor your feelings & concerns. If cuckolding isn't for YOU, then it isn't for either of you, and certainly outsiders shouldn't be allowed to influence your relationship & marriage with your wife.

Possibly if this other male would agree to drop the cuckold scenerio, and the 3 of you have 3-somes together only, your wife could be satisfied, as well as you. But, I think he's probably a control freak and needs to be sent packing and OUT of your marriage. Hopefully your wife hasn't already developed a strong, emotional bond with him, otherwise, you're possibly in for a rough adjustment. Good luck ... hope you'll keep the forum updated! Mac :)
 
Thanks everyone for the advice. I never thought I'd ever be on a website like this. It's not that I don't handle jealousy well, I never thought of myself as the jealous type. It's just hard sometimes especially when he is here at the house. We've had plenty of talks about all of this and I really want her to be happy. I love her and I know she loves me. I don't know where it will lead, I didn't think about things like him wanting her to have sex with his friends. Do you really think that's where this will lead?

I know I'm not the greatest in bed and I think that has had a lot to do with this. I don't think her or him would be ok with the threesomes since they wanted me to wear this chastity device. That would be great but I don't think that's happening. I'm sure she has connected with him, he is over here all the time and even keeps extra clothes and other things for when he spends the night.

It all comes down to that I want her to be happy. I don't like that she has a boyfriend now but she insures me that she still loves me and just wants me to be open to new things no matter what they might be. Do most guys in this situation get essentially banned from sex? She just was never the sexual type before now, she doesn't even do oral. Do you think more things that I'm not thinking about will happen such as her sleeping with his friends? I really want to be ok with all of this, it's just frustrating not knowing and frustrating sexually.
 
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I didn't think about things like him wanting her to have sex with his friends. Do you really think that's where this will lead?
Click to expand...
None of us can say for certain whether or not he will want to share your wife with his friends. A bull is an individual just like anyone else and have their own interests and desires. However, there are a few things you should keep in mind.

First, the fact that he is discussing cuckoldry with your wife means he wants to be her bull. Think about it. No one brings up a sexual fantasy or desire with a partner unless it is something they want. Would you start an in-depth discussion with your wife about you having a homosexual relationship even though you didn't want it? Of course not. As I stated earlier, a bull is not the same as a boyfriend. He wants to change the dynamic of his relationship with your wife and that is the only reason he has broached the subject.

Second, a cuckold relationship usually focuses on the wife and the cuck. However, the bull is often times fulfilling a fantasy as well. Many black women become very upset at the notion of black men sleeping with white women. An interracial relationship can be just as taboo among African-American men and women as it is among white people. Now add to this mix that all guys like to brag about their sexual conquests and the fact that if he becomes her bull it is a purely sexual relationship. What do you think will happen next? He is going to brag about it to his friends. What man hasn't bragged to a friend or two about the “hot slut I fucked last night!”. And not only is his slut a white woman, but a married white woman (all the more taboo). As I said earlier, everyone is an individual and maybe he will be discreet, but you should be prepared for the possibility that he will talk to his friends in great detail about your wife, you, and his relationship with her.

Finally, in all interracial cuckold relationships there is an issue of “getting back at the white man”. This is not meant to be a stereotype or in any way disparaging towards black men. Again, everyone is different and maybe this does not come into play with his relationship with your wife. But consider the fact that every black man in our country has experienced racism, whether directly or indirectly, throughout his life. It is pervasive in our culture and the worst part is it is no longer as blatant as the KKK but now occurs insidiously in the background as lower pay, not being treated the same by store clerks, etc. If you had been subjected to his kind of prejudice and you had the opportunity to feel a little bit of redemption by treating a woman of the race who has historically repressed your like a cheap whore what would you do? And what better way to “get back at the white man” than to share his new bitch with his friends.

Will he share her with his friends? I honestly don't know. But it is a certainty that he wants to be her bull, it is possible that he is going to brag about it to his friends, and it is also a possibility that on some level he sees this as karma (e.g., treating you and your wife like second-class citizens just like he has been treated).
 
nickalbers2012 said:
Thanks everyone for the advice. I never thought I'd ever be on a website like this. It's not that I don't handle jealousy well, I never thought of myself as the jealous type. It's just hard sometimes especially when he is here at the house. We've had plenty of talks about all of this and I really want her to be happy. I love her and I know she loves me. I don't know where it will lead, I didn't think about things like him wanting her to have sex with his friends. Do you really think that's where this will lead?

I know I'm not the greatest in bed and I think that has had a lot to do with this. I don't think her or him would be ok with the threesomes since they wanted me to wear this chastity device. That would be great but I don't think that's happening. I'm sure she has connected with him, he is over here all the time and even keeps extra clothes and other things for when he spends the night.

It all comes down to that I want her to be happy. I don't like that she has a boyfriend now but she insures me that she still loves me and just wants me to be open to new things no matter what they might be. Do most guys in this situation get essentially banned from sex? She just was never the sexual type before now, she doesn't even do oral. Do you think more things that I'm not thinking about will happen such as her sleeping with his friends? I really want to be ok with all of this, it's just frustrating not knowing and frustrating sexually.
Click to expand...
Let me get this straight...you say she hasn't been very sexual before and hasn't even done oral. And, all of a sudden she's in a relationship where her bf has already talked her into cuckolding you. If true, these two points are a far cry from each other. On top of this you're asking if other things might be in the works? You're kidding right? Of course they are and again, if what you say is true, a woman doesn't make such a drastic change overnight. Either she's always had these tendencies or done this before OR you're feeding this thread a bunch of BS.
 
My wife has 3 guys that send her texts all the time, try to set up dates with her. I look at her phone almost every night to see whats going on, if anything. This aspect of the lifestyle is both a good thing and not so good. If you cant handle your wife being in control of what she is doing sexually, you really shouldn't be doing this. In our marriage, cuckoldry is about letting her be as free as she wants to be...sexually. If you cant handle your wife going on dates without you for example...your really heading for trouble. Another issue is your so young. We had about 18 years of marriage under our belt before we played with this kind of fire. It has helped our marriage a lot, but you guys are so young...BE CAREFUL.
 
No. I don't like to watch her and I never will. I have never been in the bedroom with them and never will. As far as her becoming more sexual, it's not like it happened over night. We talked about swinging for over 2 years before anything ever happened. Once she met this guy, things progressively changed. Maybe it's a combination of her being older and more experienced now is the reason she has become more open sexually. As far as bullshit, think what you want. I really don't care. I was only looking for some advice and this was the first site that popped up.
 
MalevolentVisions said:
None of us can say for certain whether or not he will want to share your wife with his friends. A bull is an individual just like anyone else and have their own interests and desires. However, there are a few things you should keep in mind.

First, the fact that he is discussing cuckoldry with your wife means he wants to be her bull. Think about it. No one brings up a sexual fantasy or desire with a partner unless it is something they want. Would you start an in-depth discussion with your wife about you having a homosexual relationship even though you didn't want it? Of course not. As I stated earlier, a bull is not the same as a boyfriend. He wants to change the dynamic of his relationship with your wife and that is the only reason he has broached the subject.

Second, a cuckold relationship usually focuses on the wife and the cuck. However, the bull is often times fulfilling a fantasy as well. Many black women become very upset at the notion of black men sleeping with white women. An interracial relationship can be just as taboo among African-American men and women as it is among white people. Now add to this mix that all guys like to brag about their sexual conquests and the fact that if he becomes her bull it is a purely sexual relationship. What do you think will happen next? He is going to brag about it to his friends. What man hasn't bragged to a friend or two about the “hot slut I fucked last night!”. And not only is his slut a white woman, but a married white woman (all the more taboo). As I said earlier, everyone is an individual and maybe he will be discreet, but you should be prepared for the possibility that he will talk to his friends in great detail about your wife, you, and his relationship with her.

Finally, in all interracial cuckold relationships there is an issue of “getting back at the white man”. This is not meant to be a stereotype or in any way disparaging towards black men. Again, everyone is different and maybe this does not come into play with his relationship with your wife. But consider the fact that every black man in our country has experienced racism, whether directly or indirectly, throughout his life. It is pervasive in our culture and the worst part is it is no longer as blatant as the KKK but now occurs insidiously in the background as lower pay, not being treated the same by store clerks, etc. If you had been subjected to his kind of prejudice and you had the opportunity to feel a little bit of redemption by treating a woman of the race who has historically repressed your like a cheap whore what would you do? And what better way to “get back at the white man” than to share his new bitch with his friends.

Will he share her with his friends? I honestly don't know. But it is a certainty that he wants to be her bull, it is possible that he is going to brag about it to his friends, and it is also a possibility that on some level he sees this as karma (e.g., treating you and your wife like second-class citizens just like he has been treated).
Click to expand...
That's really strange...I've been in the lifestyle for years & never once looked at it from the aspect of"getting back at the whiteman"or any of the other off the wall ideas you're giving second hand advice to...lol who made you a expert at this...you can give your opinion on "your" experiences as a bull & only that!!!!
 
babyblack said:
That's really strange...I've been in the lifestyle for years & never once looked at it from the aspect of"getting back at the whiteman"or any of the other off the wall ideas you're giving second hand advice to...lol who made you a expert at this...you can give your opinion on "your" experiences as a bull & only that!!!!
Click to expand...
Very well said...especially noting "off the wall ideas" and "second hand advice".

There is really crazy crap spread on this site way too often.
 
I've been in the lifestyle for years & never once looked at it from the aspect of"getting back at the whiteman"or any of the other off the wall ideas you're giving second hand advice to
Click to expand...
And that is why I prefaced my post by pointing out that all bulls are individuals and then specifically mentioned in several places in my post that none of what I described may be applicable to this situation. If you had actually read my post and paid attention to what I was saying perhaps you would have noticed that.
who made you a expert at this
Click to expand...
Never once have I claimed that I was. Apparently you seem to think I am though, so thank you for your high opinion of me. If you'd like any more advice from me please feel free to ask since you value my opinion so much.
you can give your opinion on "your" experiences as a bull & only that!!!!
Click to expand...
That is exactly what I did and how is that any different from what you or anyone else in this forum does?

Don't throw stones in glass houses my friend.
 
MalevolentVisions said:
And that is why I prefaced my post by pointing out that all bulls are individuals and then specifically mentioned in several places in my post that none of what I described may be applicable to this situation. If you had actually read my post and paid attention to what I was saying perhaps you would have noticed that.
Never once have I claimed that I was. Apparently you seem to think I am though, so thank you for your high opinion of me. If you'd like any more advice from me please feel free to ask since you value my opinion so much.
That is exactly what I did and how is that any different from what you or anyone else in this forum does?

Don't throw stones in glass houses my friend.
Click to expand...

You may have prefaced your post that bulls are individuals but you went on to make a blanket statement about ALL interracial cuckold relationships have an aspect of getting back at the whiteman. Your preface was nullified with this statement.

Stop speaking for others and its less likely you'll get the type of response that you are arguing against here.
 
MalevolentVisions said:
And that is why I prefaced my post by pointing out that all bulls are individuals and then specifically mentioned in several places in my post that none of what I described may be applicable to this situation. If you had actually read my post and paid attention to what I was saying perhaps you would have noticed that.
Never once have I claimed that I was. Apparently you seem to think I am though, so thank you for your high opinion of me. If you'd like any more advice from me please feel free to ask since you value my opinion so much.
That is exactly what I did and how is that any different from what you or anyone else in this forum does?

Don't throw stones in glass houses my friend.
Click to expand...
Apparently you seem to think "wrong"...if you think my opinion of you is high,you were not reading my comments...I didn't have an opinion about you at all and as far as wanting,needing or coming to you for advice is totally laughable :frantic:...you seem to be a legend in your own mind(not mine).And by the way,I wasn't throwing stones...I just gave a different point of view...it's no big deal,just speaking on "my" experiences...no more,no less!
 
you went on to make a blanket statement about ALL interracial cuckold relationships have an aspect of getting back at the whiteman. Your preface was nullified with this statement.
Click to expand...
You're absolutely right. I misspoke by using the term "all". Although subconsciously maybe I was thinking that, I never meant to imply that. I stand corrected. Good catch.
 
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